Until your spouse comes around, dealing with the marriage portion does not. On the other hand, over time you adjust and don't become so dependent on them and don't focus so much on what they are doing.
I know that doesn't answer your question very well. After eight months, I'm not so caught up in what my W is doing as I used to be.
Over time the rollercoaster goes to extremes less often- I am 7 months into the S, and cry less about it than I used to.
GAL and detaching help, as does time- I haven't read your threads so am not entirely familiar with your sitch. Will read when I get some time. Can you post a short summary?
OD
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Thanks for the answers. I think I knew the answer though.
We've been together for almost 10 years and married for almost 4. We have a D6. Things were getting worst and worst for us and neither of us really really tried to make it work. I guess we always used bandaids to cover the problems without really dealing with them. H was spending more time with friends and I was spending more time nagging him to spend more time with us. The more I nagged/begged the further he pulled. Christmas time was ok but we were growing apart. He decided to leave at the beginning of February and half a$$ed moved to his parents.
We have been dealing with the same issues for quite some time. I wish I had found this site earlier in our M. I really think our issues are solvable but H doesn't agree. A lot has to do with my attitude towards him. I like to be in control ALL the time and I like to set and keep rules. I had/have a very controlling/manipulative mother and I think I learned my behaviour from her. Deep in my heart I know that is one of the biggest reasons H says he wants to move on. I know we both have things that need to be changed. I can only work on my issues and hope that he will see the changes and like what he sees.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Thanks for the answers. I think I knew the answer though.
We've been together for almost 10 years and married for almost 4. We have a D6. Things were getting worst and worst for us and neither of us really really tried to make it work. I guess we always used bandaids to cover the problems without really dealing with them. H was spending more time with friends and I was spending more time nagging him to spend more time with us. The more I nagged/begged the further he pulled. Christmas time was ok but we were growing apart. He decided to leave at the beginning of February and half a$$ed moved to his parents.
We have been dealing with the same issues for quite some time. I wish I had found this site earlier in our M. I really think our issues are solvable but H doesn't agree. A lot has to do with my attitude towards him. I like to be in control ALL the time and I like to set and keep rules. I had/have a very controlling/manipulative mother and I think I learned my behaviour from her. Deep in my heart I know that is one of the biggest reasons H says he wants to move on. I know we both have things that need to be changed. I can only work on my issues and hope that he will see the changes and like what he sees.
Jen
We ARE two peas in a pod. This is my biggest issue, and my H's too.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
I think it does get harder before it gets easier and then there are eruptions and the real roller coaster. I also have a six year old and I put her into therapy immediatley. It has been easier because of this forum and the books. Staying positive and playing nice has been very beneficial. I had to swallow a lot of BS but it has helped to just talk to a therapist or pro marriage people.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Jen, I swear the more I read about your sitch, the more I think we have in common. You have been so supportive of me. I will keep track of you over here as well. How has the "going dark" again been going. Has he forgiven you for the drink?
haha the drink fiasco! I think so, well he's not angry about it anymore at least. You see I have a habit of lashing out so he wasn't surprised about the incident (even though I usually keep it in check). Of all the times I acted out this is the one that taught me the biggest lesson.
I have stopped trying to contact him but if he calls me I will answer. Usually he'll call to ask me for a small favour such as printing something from the computer or calling a client for him. He's chipper on the phone and thats nice. Really he's detaching from me faster than I from him and I guess thats normal since he's the one who left.
I still don't know if he's going to sue me. I doubt it though because he's a good person. He kept telling me to take it easy and let things happen but I screwed up by crying, pleading, nagging and not having any patience. I hope I can turn things around again.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
