Guys I am so nervous-- I feel like maybe I should get a prescription for beta blockers before I call him on the phone. Or maybe figure out how to make it go straight to voicemail so I won't have to worry about a) having to have an actual conversation and radiating pure panic or b) possibly being "invasive".
Can we go through the options together? Which option is best to invite a response?
* I call him. Possibly scary, but I can communicate a lot of 'warmth' with my tone of voice and show my love without telling it. Possibly "invasive". Definitely surprising... I don't think he would expect it. He probably wouldn't pick up the phone. Essie, what do I do to "get my head together"??? Do I talk to him like he is still my beloved, I mean, with the same tone of voice, not the same words??
* I can leave a message straight to voicemail. less scary, less chance of getting information, less invasive, but still a possibility of showing warmth and love.
* I can send something back that belongs to him: keys. I actually DO have keys to his apartment still but I thought I had misplaced them over the summer and by the time I found them I was already dark. I thought about sending them back before but like Lisa said, I didn't want to send the message I didn't want them. I was hesitant to do it because for me to do it would be a "closing gesture" and I don't want closure, I want reconciliation. However, I think what he did *may* have been an opening gesture, not a closing gesture, within the context.
* I can send underwear back to him, pair by pair. This is kind of making fun of the whole "give me back my stuff now we're broken up thing". It's like a crazy joke version of it. But Lisa is also right, I don't want to show that I don't want them anymore! Also... the underwear is kind of a sexy thing b/c when we would have sleepovers we always used his underwear to clean up the jism!!! So it could be construed as a reminded or the many many happy hours we spent together that way, OR as a weird "take back your underwear" thing. ????
* I could send him something in the mail that is just a Gift of Real Giving. I already have a funny card in hand and a silly beer-making recipe. I have a couple books on hand already too. I could post the whole list and we could pick the best things together. This might be dangerous b/c it is so much bigger of a gesture than what he did sending the key.
* I could do one thing first, then another. Like do a voicemail, then send a package of underwear a couple weeks later. Or, "build up to the phonecall" by starting with underwear mailing.
