I suppose after two decades I can't expect anything to change very rapidly. My wife read most of SSM and found it to have very little of value for her. She doesn't really feel like she has a libido problem. There are no physical issues, no emotional barriers; there's just an imbalance between us. So how is that her problem, she asks.
She has been making the effort to be intimate about once a week, but it seems like that effort is diminishing her enthusiasm. When she just follows her own body's natural rhythm, I think she's a lot more in to it. I'm hoping that she'll be willing to keep up the effort and that over time her body's rhythm will pick up, too. But I don't want resentment building up in her, that she is sacrificing intensity for frequency. That will just poison her desire.
I am trying to spend more time together, without kids, just to talk and be emotionally close. That seems to be helping a lot, I can deal more easily with the lack of physical contact (touching, hugging) when at least we enjoy being near each other.
Other times I just feel so tempted to be unfaithful again. I've had dreams the last few nights of sex with random women, strangers. I'm up tonight because I touched my wife's shoulder in bed and she pushed it away and told me to go to sleep. Well, of course, sleep was about the last thing I could do.
Regardless of all that, it seems like we're making steady progress. I'm pretty confident I can keep my pants on (away from home). And hopefully our summer vacation will be a good time for us to make a deeper connection.
