They are all in DENIAL! They are rationalizing everything they do to themselves, the OP, their families, and their friends because THEY CANNOT FACE THE TRUTH because if they REALLY looked in the mirror they wouldn't be able to live with themselves. Denial is a psychological defense mechanism to keep them from doing something like commit suicide. It is only temporary though...as both of your SOs are possibly beginning to realize.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
