Ok, I thought long and hard about what cat had said in her above post to me. I realized that I need to stop living my life in fear of him not returning. And in the mean time, I need to stand up for what is right for me.
So I decided to text my H back when I got home from work, I said: "apology accepted, but please stop calling me after midnight unless if it is urgent". I was so afraid to press send, but something told me it was the right thing for me to do.
He text me back: "o.k., and it wont happen again". I was surprised to get a somewhat kind reply from him.
I guess that I have noticed our R pattern changed this last month. Ever since I was the one that said that a reconciliation wouldnt be healthy for us if he is drinking and at the bars so much. Now he has been very nice to me and texting me way more than he used to.
Other things I have done to put my foot down were: -telling him I dont want to be involved with helping him find a place for when his lease is up. -ignoring many of his texts. -setting the boundary down today for him not to drunk text me anymore.
Things he has done to show he is still holding on to me more: -way more texting than usual, and in a much quicker time frame- before he would wait months before any first words, this time it was the day after he left. -he is being more kind than not. -he has redone my kitchen floors -he has taken the dog to the groomers - which we have never done before cuz we would bath her ourselves. -he has upped my cell phone plan to include unlimited texting. -pursueing me in his texts & being more and more kind.
I am gonna stop doing the kind-nice-angel thing with him anymore and standing up for more of what I want. I can be friendly to him still, but it will be more on my terms from now on.
I dont want to go down the same cheeseless tunnels. And I guess that is how I feel I have went through this entire last year. I would DB and try all the different methods, and he would come back, but it would not last. I think that in order for it to last, he needs to have an awakening that I am a gem that he is about to lose. So now I am gonna make him feel even more like I will not just always be around for him. I am gonna put my foot down more often, and see if it makes him keep up his kindness and pursuing of me.
I do think that he was probably shocked to see my text to him today. Unfortunately, now I will never know what it was he wanted to enlighten me about in his drunk text last night. I was kind of hoping he would tell me, as he seemed eager to then - but not anymore. Oh well!!!!!!! p.s. my KLA cd's arrived today. Yea!!! I can really use them right now. TIPPER
