Today my wife stayed home with the kids. It's their spring break.
As soon as I got home from work, she left to buy some groceries. When she got back, I helped her put away the groceries she brought in.
I threw out the garbage and as I went around the driveway, she was leaving (which she told me she was going to do). I saw one last bag of groceries in the van. I told her she forgot to bring in a bag. He says it's the OM's. He asked her to get some groceries for her. I flipped.
I opened the van door, threw the bag on the ground and stomped on it several times. I put the bag back in the van. "Here you can bring this back to him," I said.
wow dan, I don't think you did a thing wrong. Not a thing. You are drawing your lines. She is really out of control (don't worry, I have a H like your W, had OW, then kissed another woman, now is supposedly seeing a new OW). You are doing all you can to be respectful and kind to your W. She is so foggy she doesn't see the horribly disrespectful things she is doing (calling you from OM's phone, the groceries). I am sorry. If you are ready, you might ask her to move out.
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She asked whether the kids asked for her. They didn't and that's the truth. I suppose they're so used to their mom not being around.
My kids rarely ask for H when he isn't around. They are used to him coming and going. You and I are the consistent ones. We need to keep that up, the kids need us to be rocks.
Ford and lwb, I originally thought I overreacted, but you're right, I'm drawing lines. I spoke to my C today and he gave me an excellent way of addressing what I did last night. And it segues nicely into telling her, because of her behavior, she would have to move out. I'm thinking of telling her tonight.
My wife is out of control, for sure. Barely ten minutes ago, she tells me that she's going with her classmates to the amusement park this Thursday -- without our kids. She says we don't have any money to pay for the kids' tickets. So guess what she does? She goes to her dad to ask for money for her ticket. (As you can see, we're dealing with a 34-year old woman who's regressing here, who, when I look back, has never really learned how to "leave and cleave." Issues, issues).
About Horton, it was great. I'm embarrassed to say though that because of what I'm going through, I was identifying with Horton's struggles along the way, injecting myself in every situation. I totally felt Horton's anguish in losing the speck of dust on a pink clover among a massive field of pink clovers. The speck of course represents my marriage. The kangaroo mom represents my wife. She liked to point out Horton's faults every step of the way. Reminded me of the time when I was in the dark about the A, how she constantly pointed out my shortcomings (which turned out to be comparisons to the OM). I liked the ending, however, when Horton extends his hand of forgiveness to the kangaroo, after she was proven wrong about Horton and the speck of dust.
As you can see, I'm still holding out hope for my wife, in spite of all that's going on right now.
Ok, that is scary!!! A friend of mine from this board (hi SallyM!) cried through the end of Horton because he was so faithful, so forgiving, and determined to do the right thing. When I watched it, I thought the same thing. Now you. Ok, we are normal!!!
Well, your W goes to amusement parks. Without her kids. My H thinks he is 21 yrs old and says "Peace out" to his daughters. He goes out with people in their 20's, many who are single, no kids, and apparently condone adultery (like your W's classmates). He does about the same things as your W does.
Wow, amazing similarities. She goes out with people who are in their 20s (and early 30s), single, and with no kids. There are married people in her class but they rarely go out with them. And somehow she doesn't see anything wrong with the picture. She says this readily to people who ask her when they go out, "What about your kids? What does your husband say?" "Oh, my husband will watch them." And if pushed further, she'll say, "My husband and I are having problems and we're going through a separation right now." Then on with the fun.
Yes, I found out I am rarely mentioned at all (H says he avoids the topic). In the mess of all this, H got a new job so it was a perfect time to 'clean slate' it with people. He doesn't mention a word about being married, and they probably have no clue I exist. Wow, sounds like our spouses are very similar.
Right now, H wants everything having to do with a single life, and still have the kids on the side.... Sad, so sad. He is (like your W I am sure) missing out on so much. I feel like the lucky one, privledged to be around my kids a lot. They are fools.
What do you guys think of me deleting photos of my wife's trip with the OM last weekend from her computer and camera?
The photos are just of her and some scenery. She looks really happy in them though. Looks like they deliberately didn't take pictures of the OM.
There are other photos in her computer of her subsequent outing to the amusement park with her classmates. Apparently, the OM was also there. They are mostly group pictures but there are some group photos where they are right beside each other. Should I delete these as well?
If they are on HER computer and HER camera, then I don't think you have any right to delete them (although I think it's perfectly OK for you to ASK her to, telling her that they are hurtful to you and disrespectful of your marriage).
If they are on YOUR computer (or jointly owned) and/or camera, then I think you have a RIGHT to, but I would advise against it. It would be better if you asked her to delete them, for the reasons mentioned above.
Just my take. I'd like to get DMB's take on this, since he actually did it.
