Supermom meets Cookie Chick

[JennyF]

Hey Bear,
I'm on the Oprah bandwagon and am reading A New Earth by Ekhart Tolle.
I won't go into a big thing...but it is a book about me. Each person who reads it would take something different from it and for me personally it is a Godsend right now. There has never been a more important time in my life to focus on myself and who I am (what a loaded statment that is...) and this book is helping me to put all that into perspective. I can't say enough about it.

JB came by around 10:30 this morning and was here for 3 hours. He REALLY helped me talk through everthing in my head and gave me a really good Dad's perspective on things. He also helped me to feel like I wasn't being unreasonable with my stance with regards to custody. He knows me really well and helped me cut through my own BS to get to what really matters.
I really felt prepared for my conversation with H and I felt confident. Thank God for friends!

The conversation with H went good and bad. The good is that it was a civil and calm discussion. It didn't turn into arguing or yelling at any point. I made a concious decsision prior to the conversation to not let him anything he said to set me off.

My request was that over the next 2 months we gradually allow D to work toward the 60/40 letting her get used to the 'new living environment'. We both acknowledged that it would be hard given his relationship for D to see that. She hasn't even met her yet and he will be living with her in a month??

Anyway, that I wanted to gradually work S up to it over the next 5 to 6 months.
He said those 2 timelines were too long and he wouldn't go for it.

So long story short, we're at a standstill. I'm going to look into a mediator and see if it is an option or if it just goes to the lawyers. I can't believe this.

It felt good to calmly and rationally stand my ground. It felt good knowing that I wasn't being unreasonable and that I am more than entitled to my opinion in this sitch. They are my children too.

Then he said he's looking into a real estate agent to appraise the house. And that he will send me a list of what he wants to take from the house. He told me he wants the BBQ, the lawnmower (his brandnew baby) and the old couches and a few other things of his. Plus his tools and stuff.

THEN, I told him I want to meet OW. That I have a lot of questions and things I need to know about (her kids etc) to have a comfort level with my kids going there. He was not impressed by this and said he could answer any questions I had. I said fine..but I want to meet her. Why he said? I said because my kids are going to be a part of her life and I have a right to know what she is all about. I said I just want to meet her and ask her about her kids and stuff. He said he didn't want me poking and prodding. Said that she has her background and things and that it was none of my business. I said....oh but it is my business. Very much so. I can't believe he doesn't get that!!
So that ended by him saying he wasn't saying no, but that maybe we could do it on the phone first. OH BOY do I think that he is scared of this one. I think he's still lying through his teeth about things to her and that thinks I'm going to wrech that for him. I think she doesn't know how opposed to this I am...

Anyway....I don't want to go on and on (too late!)
That's the update. I feel a certain sense of relief right now.
Nothing was resolved and is in fact gearing up for some drama...but I feel good about my decision and the way I've handled it. We'll see what happens!
J~