I think JJ has pointed out something very important that has sorta slipped by you:
Quoting Jamesjohn: Don't always need to change them, or yourself.
Seems to work better if you change what happens in the relationship.
To me, this is what DBing is all about. You don't have to change yourself. You don't have to change your SO.
You change your RELATIONSHIP.
The way you change your relationship depends on your SO's willingness to participate. If s/he is a willing participant, then you work together. If s/he is not willing to work on things, you can still change your R by changing your input into it.
When you do that, you change your SO's perception and that changes his/her side of things too.
You are doing this by having an A. Very logical.
But not right! Moral issues aside, you are doing this behind your W's back. In purely practical terms, do you have a plan for when she finds out?
