InLin: We have all certainly suggested that and I am in total agreement with you. I think Pam's fear is more of upsetting Tx and ruining her fantasy rather than what we feel. But I also know that Pam cares very much about what everyone else thinks about the situation.I just wish she cared more about herself. Boundaries are VERY important in our lives. Being too kind and too trusting can get us into big trouble. Learning to trust again only comes with a trustworthy person who is willing to prove themselves repeatedly.
Thanks to the person who posted that site, I'm going to spend some time there this evening although it creeps me out tremendously and I am afraid I might find the man I knew there somewhere.
Pam, I will just say that in the aftermath of my encounter I learned that a common characteristic of sociopaths is inappropriate proposals and discussion of marriage. Mine was charming, adorable, fast talking, and on one of our first personal encounters(after I had known him for two years from our hobby) he mentioned living with me and asking my father for my hand in marriage. I thought wow, this guy is crazy, he must really like me though! The seed planted. I enjoyed his charm and wit and outrageous ideas so much! He was so much fun and cared about me so much.
I really hope you will post here more about what happens with Tex. I found that I stopped talking about the weirdness to my friends as it got worse. I discounted what my friends and family were telling me when I did talk to them. I bought into the psychopathology of it all as I thought he was dying after his wife left him.
Pam, these guys will do this for years on end to get the satisfaction they are looking for. What is your bottom line test for trust? Mine is now personal introduction from a family member or close friend or a photo ID or drivers license of a person I have seen with a social security number and I am not kidding. Might seem extreme but it is not. If I ever have a relationship again it will be with someone who keeps his word. Never again will I make excuses for someone who "overcommits", does not keep his promises,lies. Take care, Wonder
It is new for me to feel that way but I reached this point last month with Tx and set some new boundaries for me with him and now I'm setting more new boundaries for me. I know this isn't a topic I can post and ask for advice about although sometimes I wish I could do so. It is a situation that I have to figure out on my own and just do my best.
I am sorry that you aren't comfortable posting about Tex - but understand.
Sometimes a person is offering their opinions, he/she gets very attached to their own point of view. And sometimes when that happens, he/she starts to take it personally if you do not follow his/her advice. And sometimes that leads to disparaging the poster personally and/or ridiculing the posters position. And sometimes the person catches themselves - sometimes they don't.
I am not above this myself. Just check out the flirting thread if you want to see me in reactive mode! LOL! I personalized the issue based on my own personal experiences - instead of posting on that thread in accordance with the intent of the thread originator.
You could consider setting some ground rules for responding to posts about Tex on the BB. NHill posted a line on his thread to the effect that when a person posts a do not tread on the grass sign on a lawn and the posters of the sign happens to be the owner of that lawn, he honors the sign. A lot of people agreed with him. So I suspect a lot of people will honor any ground rules that you request that people honor.
And if people don't honor those ground rules - you can ignore those posts or simple set a boundary addressed to that poster.
I know it is an awful lot of work... But while we have our differences people do seem to listen when someone makes a genuine request of the other posters on this BB. And it may turn out to be a valuable experience that will help you out in the real world. I think DR has an entire chapter on asking for what you want.
Wow what a busy week. I didn't even pop by the board for several days and just today am catching up a bit.
Yesterday spent the day at the training class and the lady met us there that is thinking of taking Callie. She seemed pleased with her but doesn't want her till the middle of next month. That works out well as last night Callie has finally came back in season! This is her first time to cycle since she was bred in Oct. 2006 and I was getting pretty worried about her.
Now I have to find something to do with all of my extra dogs for next weekend. Anyone want to dog sit for either my puppy or Frostbyte??? My one friend is taking Callie since she needs to be watched carefully but that still leaves Sage and Byte needing a place to stay while I'm out of town.
Lin,
Thanks for your concern. I know you weren't talking to me but to Barb but I do appreciate your concern and all the help you gave me.
Barb,
Thank you as well and yes I do know how you feel and what you think about Tx and despite what you think my concern isn't upsetting him it is upsetting the people here on the bb. In Tx's case I decided if he is real I'm going to say what I think and if he isn't I'm damn well going to say what I think! He knows very clearly that I have lots of doubts about him. I have told him so in no uncertain terms and exactly what those doubts are too. I also told him last month that this isn't going to work for me as a relationship unless he just wants a friendship. He is very adamant that isn't what he wants and he is working very hard to invest much more of himself and his time into the R as well as several plans for time up here before school is out and lots more time after school is out. Figuring that is the only way we are ever going to really get to know one another.
Wonder,
Thank you so much for sharing your story and what you learned. Your situation is the one thing that definitely keeps me the most wary which at this point I think is still a good thing. It may frustrate Tx from time to time but he knows very well how I feel.
Hi AG,
Thanks for the thoughts on the boundary setting. If I end up feeling a need to post about Tx I may go that route. Right now I'm so busy with the shelties and work I don't have a lot of free time period. Not busy like you but for me busy!
Hey K,
You were sooooo sweet to check on me the other day and I really, really appreciated it. The same evening I told you about the drive through the water in the dark I was just so darn uneasy. Tx figures it was because during the day I was busy and distracted then that evening I had more time for the realization to hit me how very fortunate I was to make it through that rushing water without my car drowning out and being swept off the road like the one I passed in the dark that morning. I still shudder thinking about it. I looked at my car and you wouldn't believe the filth that is on it from driving through that water and how high up it is on the car. Tx told me that evening it only takes 2 inches of water to take the tires out of contact with the road and I definitely went through a lot more than 2 inches of water!!! NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks a bunch again for checking on me.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Last night had a great training session with the girls.
Maybe, just maybe I CAN teach an old dog new tricks!
Tara, my 13 year old I had worked with as a young dog and just never got out of her what I wanted in heeling. So I just put her on the shelf while I trained and showed others. I had several I was working and showing so Tara got leased out to a friend to raise a couple of litters. Then another friend leased her for a couple of litters. After the d I started working some of the dogs again and started her in agility but again her and I just never clicked as a team. So my friend S who has a Tara son took her and put her Novice Agility titles on her.
Now again I'm working with her to show her in Rally and last night she gave me what I have always wanted out of her in her heeling!!! I haven't tried yet this morning to see if I still have it or it was a fluke. lol
Shara also worked well last night so maybe with some luck they will both qualify this weekend and finish their titles.
The down side is S and I were to stay with a friend and ride with her and I'm hurting pretty bad and afraid that doesn't bode well for the weekend. I swore after last month I WAS going to go to a doctor and at least see if I could find out what is wrong and I got caught up in the shows and just didn't get it done. So here I am again facing another rough couple of weeks. Yuck!
Off to work the girls again and see what I get this morning.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
While I was responding to Barb...I didn't mean for it to appear I was speaking without concern for you as well... I think you are a very caring person...and like the others here I want the best for you...but at the same time I see everyones huge concerns...I think it is good that you have expressed those to Tx...I do understand your need to see this through without bailing out...hard to explain...which is why I said that it is something that will have to be on your terms...everyone here can say what they want, feel what they want, believe what they want about Tx...but in the end it is what YOU feel and believe that matters...as long as you don't get hurt (physically and emotionally) which I think is of concern to many here... Pam, you are a good person...with a big heart...and whatever man wins you is really getting a prize to be had...
The down side is S and I were to stay with a friend and ride with her and I'm hurting pretty bad and afraid that doesn't bode well for the weekend. I swore after last month I WAS going to go to a doctor and at least see if I could find out what is wrong
What do you mean? Did you mention this before?
Good Luck w/ the show. I am sure it will go great!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Lin I know you meant well for me I truly didn't mean to imply otherwise!
K and Barb thanks girls.
I went to the dog show and after a really rough weekend I broke down and went to the dr. yesterday. She talked about putting me in the hospital but told her don't have any health insurance.
So she said if you get worse go to the emergency room. Asked her what criteria determines that and she said you'll know you take care of your animals. Told her I would take shelties to vet long time before I would take me to the dr! She said the shelties will know you need to go and if they don't here is my cell phone number. Thought that was really nice of her. She said if you pass out don't think you can get up and just go on.
She would like to do some sort of surgery by Friday so would appreciate lots of prayers.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
My one friend is taking Callie since she needs to be watched carefully but that still leaves Sage and Byte needing a place to stay while I'm out of town. 
Tx told me that evening it only takes 2 inches of water to take the tires out of contact with the road and I definitely went through a lot more than 2 inches of water!!! NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!