W called lonely at 4:00 AM, we had a great time discussing plans for the weekend. We're both really looking forward to it. Things went well until she said "I want you to know that you've ruined my friendship with Angela."
Angela is W's best friend from college, and they were our best couple friends. W has cut herself off from anyone who disagrees with her decisions, and only has a few friends who don't know me, already hated me, etc. Angela's husband has been messaging me on Facebook asking for updates, and I've been telling him some general info, that things were improving, the ways that I'm working on myself. Nothing negative about W.
Recently Angela has made it clear to W that she disagrees with the divorce. I'm so torn about what to do. Angela's husband is a good friend of mine. When they started contacting me, I told them W might not be happy. They said "we have a relationship outside of anything to do with your marriage."
W wants me to stop contacting any of her family or friends. The family I've agreed to, and most friends, but these are mutual friends who reached out to me. I made a quick comment that W just wants a one-sided argument so that everyone will agree with her (this is something my counselor sees her doing, and wanted me to mention to her). She hung up on me. I called back and apologized immediately.
She brought up again that I'd snooped and snitched to her dad, and that I didn't think it was wrong. I agreed that it was wrong, apologized again, and told her that I'm trying to make amends however I can. That's one of the 12 steps, and I'm in the program and she knows it. I thanked her for letting me write to her dad and clear things up.
She said "well, speak your peace and be done with it. This weekend is the end. We should have ended this quickly and quietly like I wanted to. I need to know that you'll give this up."
How do I respond to that? W is convinced that our divorce won't be messy like it was for her parents, that it won't hurt everyone around us. The situation with Angela should show her that's not true.
I'm getting such mixed signals here. I can tell she wants to come back, but she feels betrayed and can't trust me again. I found a song today that helps me understand somewhat. It's from a wife to a husband who struggles with porn addiction, which is one of the things I'm getting help for. The last part especially got to me:
Is it Me? I can't breathe This can't be happening to me Was everything we had just a lie? I believed while you deceived me Faithful while my love was being violated Nothing is the same Nothing to hold on to Where's the man I knew a day ago?
Is it me? What did I do? Am I not enough for you? Is it me? Was I wrong? I believed our love was strong Is it me?
I feel sick. Has it really come to this? Didn't what we have mean anything? You lied to me while you lay with me What am I supposed to do with all the dreams you shattered?
How could you do this to me?! I can tell you're sorry Don't touch me! I need you to hold me Who's going to comfort me now? Who's going to comfort me now? You disgust me! I know this isn't like you It's over between us. I hope you still love me I hate you! I hate that I need you! Only God can save us Only God can save us
Last edited by jon2911; 03/26/0806:04 PM.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
