SF, Congratulations to you, your h and family. It's been a long time coming. He's making it home just in time for spring! New beginnings all the way around.
I'm very happy to see this. You've worked so hard and have had the patience of a saint. Best wishes for a very long and happy life together!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just wanted everyone to know that SF may disappear from these boards for awhile. H is coming home, and he is very private. SF daughter 14 has mixed emotions and not alot of self control and may spill the beans, so she is requesting that she be taken off, at least temporarily.
I am in contact with her. If you have anything to say to her, you are welcome to contact me, and I will get the message to her.
Regards, Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Thanks for being her friend and confidant. I am glad you are there for her. She has a hard road ahead of her but I know they will succeed. I admire her so much. I hope as many here to be in her shoes one day. Please keep us updated as best you can.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
We are on week three of H being home. It has been better than I thought but there are always a few bumps in the road.
I will tell you that this is very hard. Here's why (from my journal on Monday):
Things are still going well BUT yes, he has been drinking, and lastnight he said he was afraid he was going to lose his mind. He said he was afraid to talk to me for fear of hurting me and I told him to go ahead and talk and he did-a little.
He said that moving home was harder than he thought it would be. I asked him if he was having second thoughts, if he was thinking of moving out again and he said no. He said it has been so hard because he hurt OW because he came back home to his family and me.
He told me that he had no choice but to move out two years ago because we were all ganging up on him and because I was confrontational, that made him move further toward her. Ganging up meaning the kids were telling him what he was doing was wrong.
Then he said when he came home last January, he came home because it was the right thing to do, etc. and because we were acting like total strangers toward him and very cool toward him, he moved to the couch because he did not want to be with me and due to the fact that I had to testify against him in court, he thought, why do I want to be with this person, etc.
What I wanted to say was that he came home totally unannounced, and after two days, came home later and later and resumed his affair with her but I did not.
He said he needs someone to talk to who will not judge him but he is very particular about who that would be.
I suggested the pastors from church and he said he did not know.
After this conversation, he said he felt much better but it made me feel so much worse. He reminded me of a voice mail I left for him on the day he went to jail in which he claims I said I was glad he was going to jail. I began crying like crazy because I honestly do not remember leaving such a message. If I did, I must've been very upset with him.
I am trying very hard to bite my tongue because in his mind, he still thinks OW is very kind but what he does not know or may have never seen, is the side of her that I have seen, like when I was having car problems and politely called to talk to him and she kept hanging up. She told him I was cussing her out--totally false.
He is really mixed up in the head and he said he does not like to be left alone because he begins having thoughts that are not right or should not have.
Of course the drinking is his way of self-medicating.
I can honestly say he has had no phone contact with her since he has moved back home--we are going on week three now.
On Saturday, some papers fell out of his shirt pocket and one of them was in large letters/numbers, the apartment number and phone number of the apartments he was living at with her. Odd that he still carries that around.
He wants me to get a better paying or full time job but mentally, I am so tired.
Thanks for listening.
***He does not always feel like he is going to lose his mind but it happens about every 10 days or so. It is as if a spiritual battle is going on--good vs. evil and he is being pulled in both directions.
For the most part, this has been easier than I thought but now he is feeling like he can let his true emotions out some more and yes, it hurts because he makes OW out to be a very sad victim and she was so hurt. My question is and of course I never asked him this: if the R was already in limbo, and they stopped being intimate well before he and I were talking before he moved home, who really got hurt? The R was pretty much over before he moved home based on what he told me.
Really, I am thankful but this is very hard.
For those of you whose H's still have not come home, use this time to better yourselves, to be at peace because once they come home, it is different as are the demands, etc.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
SF; I am so happy for you.....if you get a chance please go to my thread and see what has happened...I am just devastated....I need your advice...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
