big hugs)))))))))) It will be ok, trust me, you will be ok, you CAN become stronger and an even better person without him.
About the mediator, you dont' have to go if you aren't ready. When my H and I separated in 05 he got a lawyer right after he left (he found out he could've been in trouble for abandoning the home). I bought time when he wanted me to fill out separation paperwork by telling him I was not ready at all to think about that stuff, that I was dealing with my pain.
He CANNOT push you to go to the mediator, he's just going to have to cancel that appt he made, tell him so, that you are in no shape to deal with that right now, he's just going to have to sit his butt down and wait.
Tipical WAH, he wants a quick fix, in his mind he's gone and it's over so he wants it over with. You dont' have to follow HIS schedule AT ALL.
Unless there is lots of $$ and you guys own property there is no rush to do anything, you dont' have kids either. I'm appalled he has the nerve to stay in your bed after asking for a D so soon, not sure this is healthy for you, I know you dont' want him to leave, but it's making you beg him and cry when he's there.
Tell him if he wants time and space you are willing to give him that, but that you can't make any major decisions right now (really, do not seriously think of moving).
Don't know if you are a believer, but I made it through prayer, even if my prayer only consisted of sobbing "please help me, i'm hurting". You will make it, trust me, you can live a life without him, this is not something you want to hear but it is the truth.
This doesn't mean it is the end, lots of things can happen between today and tomorrow/ next week. Asides from a psychiatrist please go see a C, you need a person IRL to talk to and to guide you.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
