I'm so glad that you guys started the friends reconnection thing onthe phone- that's a really big step and you should pat yourself on the back!
I think if h is worried that you are upset then asking him to get together for a drink could be a good idea. it'd give you a chance to show him how you're 'moving on' and to show him what a great friend you can be- his best friend in fact, which is what I have been aiming to be for my H. Perhaps you could do it in the context of thanking him for getting the job done on the house? 'Thanks for doing such a good job on the house. Maybe I can buy you a drink sometime to return the favour' or something like that? But remember to keep your expectations low- he may be a bit surprised to hear from you....(not that I think he would respond negatively, by the way. Quite the opposite!)
So my H is a drop-in early MLCer (I think!). We have never had an extended period of NC (longest is 5 days, which is a bit pathetic). There are 2 reasons; when he first moved out I'd e-mail him every now and then to say hello (strictly neutral topics and no OR talk). Then when I found out about the PA continuing, I said I'd back off, but he started e-mailing me and making contact instead. Jack, Jeff and Beth advised me to try and maintain some contact if I could stomach it, so I did (although it made me feel ill to begin with). It was that that gradually led to the better interactions we have now (Jack, Beth and Jeff, if you are reading- thankyou. You know I think you guys are super-fab!)
Having said that, I think LRT is a good tactic when you are trying to detach from drama and to sort your own feelings out. If you've done that and can handle it, then being friends with H (IMHO) would be a good step to take as you'll be able to start reconnecting and remind him of all the great Essie-ness he's missing out on (by looking hot, talking about your GAL stuff and generally being the best listening supportive friend ever). Your H is in early MLC, is that right? I read a post by RCR once that said that they need reassurance early on and boundary setting later, so being H's friend would be you doing the former.....
Anyway, let me know if I'm way off here. You obviously know your situation best. My $0.02 would be that H has contacted you twice now in a friendly way, so the law of reciprocation would say you need to encourage his good behaviour by reciprocating in kind. Actually I think MWD says that too- if they take a baby step, respond similarly....
Another mega- post from me. Hurray! Would you believe that in real life I'm actually not that much of a talker?!
(((Essie))) Hope you're sleeping well right now!
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
