Hope you all had a good Easter. I got myself down to Munich this weekend as I am considering a job down there and wanted to check the city out further - so as to make an informed decision. It's a wonderful city and I would most certainly recommend it as a place to visit if nothing else.
It has now been a week since my wife called me and we spoke for over an hour. During the conversation she said that she wants to come home said she wanted to come back on 1st April, after she comes back from a ten day work trip with OM and one of his colleagues. I suggested that she comes on the 2nd after my parents have gone. She said lots of other positive things like "I don't want us to abandon our plans" and "I have been thinking about us constantly" and "I don't believe in divorce". I also asked if she was sure she wanted to come back and she said "yes" and I mentioned that she would need time to get over OM. She said she would need "about a week" but I think that is naive.
According to what I can gather, she will be hanging around in Paris whilst the other two are at work during this week, and then will fly back to where she has been staying in the UK on April 31.
Now, the problem. It has been a week since the conversation and there's still a week to go before she supposedly comes back. She has not called since and only sent me an email on Easter Sunday to say "hope you're having a nice Easter" and "speak to you soon". I have only sent her one email since to wish her the same. I am wondering if I let my guard down shortly after she called because I emailed her asking her to let me know when her travel arrangements are finalised. Maybe that was a bit too pushy, but in the context of our phone conversation I didn't think so at the time...
I know that this OM is absolutely besotted with her and wants her to get a divorce from me; at the moment my imagination is just running wild with stuff and I can't seem to be able to turn it off. As per DB principles I am very cautious and guarded about her coming back and even whether to believe that she'll follow through on it. I am just trying my best to have neither good nor bad expectations about where things are going - if they're going anywhere at all. I agreed that she could buy a flight on my credit card but nothing is showing up on my statement yet. The mere fact that she's said she's ready to come back and discontinue contact with OM, but that she wants to do this holiday first makes it impossible for me to really trust her word.
Guys, it is very difficult not be encouraged by these developments and have hope but at the same time I refuse to believe her 100% because she hasn't been completely honest with me since the separation in relation to OM. I can't not have hope and I can't believe what I don't see - so this cocktail of emotion is just super hard to deal with. She was also very confused a month ago and I'm not immediately inclined to think that she is "all better".
As far as I am concerned I am still making full use of the LRT. Michele's book recommends to do it when divorce has already been filed (not my sitch) or if you are already separated (definitely my sitch as we only have email contact and live in different countries). So...this is what I will do. Until the facts on the ground indicate otherwise I will continue to move on with my life as if she is not going to be a part of it. This isn't to be done in a malicious or spiteful way, but in a loving way. I want to be her best friend and she says I am - but unless she's back I won't be 100% available 100% of the time.
I don't think there is anything else I can do for now.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
