Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Hi Mike,

It took me a minute to figure out "LMAO", but then the lightbulb went on (duh) and I LOL!! Sounds like you had a ball w/ GS! My D7 still comes to sleep in my bed when she has a bad dream or gets cold - she doesn't kick me anymore but "climbs" me (not sure what that's about).

Easter was actually kind of strange to be honest. The morning was great fun w/ D, Egg hunting, breakfast, then off to the big park for a hokey but cute Easter festival where D was dancing. Then we took part in the festival, played games, etc. H was out of town on business all w/e but said he'd be back early Sun am to see D dance. He didn't show, didn't call, didn't answer our calls until we got back home around 1:30 pm. Claimed he just landed & wanted to come over. Said he did tell me that he would be coming over for Easter, but he slept in & missed his flight. It sucks to say this, but I didn't believe him, though I didn't tell him that (he probably knew anyway). I got into an R talk on the phone while he was supposedly in the airport parking lot. But I told him I did want him to come over. He came for dinner & stayed overnight. Monday is a holiday for most of us here, so we all went to the science center together & had a great day, then went out for supper. Then D went to stay at his place since she is off all week from school & H is able to spend the time w/ her.

Tonight he asked me to come to the movies w/ him & D, so they came over for leftovers first. It was a funny movie and we had a really fun night. Then on the way to dropping me off, H asks me what I'm doing after work tomorrow - yesterday he had suggested we all go to his hockey game, plus Weds is D's dance class that we usually both go to. Also yesterday H had also asked me to have lunch tomorrow w/ him, D, BIL & SIL (who are visiting from out of town & I believe know about our sitch). To top it off, we have plans to go out on Sat night & are trying out a new babysitter.

So... this is kind of hard to figure out. First H goes AWOL for about 48 hrs, "missed" his flight, but then he spends the next several days asking me to do things w/ him. Of course you know me, the glass is half empty, right? But I don't want to overthink what's going on here and assume this is him coming closer and closer (you've got the luxury of an objective viewpoint here, but I also sense that you're a "glass is half full" kind of guy). I'm still quite suspicious, wondering if there is some input somewhere from OW, if she's hovering around, calling or texting and generally interfering somehow. I have no way of knowing for sure w/out snooping. But I do keep thinking about what you've said about asking him to come home, like he's waiting for that. So, despite the R talk on our phone call on Sunday and his wanting to see me just about every day, I'm still acting pretty detached, as though nothing is really bothering me.

And I actually do FEEL fairly detached. My thinking is sortof like this: our sitch could go either way, and I know that no matter which way it goes, there will be a lot of work and there will be alot of pain and there will be many regrets and lots of stuff will come up to the surface, but either way there will also be a real opportunity for growth for me. On the one hand, I would love for H to come back to me, to rebuild our R into something fabulous. I do love him, he is my best friend and he knows me better than anyone, we have had many wonderful years together, we have many great memories, we have history, connection, we grew up together. These are all the great things about H coming back to me. On the other hand, the thought of starting a new life is kind of exciting. I never really dated as an adult, and there are a lot of interesting men out there. I wouldn't trade my H for any one of them, but then again, if this doesn't work, if H doesn't want to come home & recommit fully to our M, I will dust myself off and get back on the horse, well I guess it would be a new horse (or several new horses, if you know what I mean!!). And I guess that's the thing that makes it easier to detach, knowing that either way, I have the rest of my life to live, and I intend to LIVE!!!!

Funny about your W thinking you are dating. I suspect that my H feels that I'm on the cusp of dating, & maybe that's what's making him more anxious to spend time w/ me. I've been telling H about the dogs we meet at the dog park, but not much about the people. D told him that the owner of one dog I'd been talking about is a fire fighter! I'm sure that set off a couple of alarm bells. I work for a d/t law firm, & just recently changed firms - a big pool of successful men. Plus there's the gym I go to, which is pretty much one of the best, hip co-ed gyms d/t, so lots of men there too.

I suppose the trick is to continue to act somewhat detached while still showing H that I'm interested in him and enjoy his company, laughing, smiling, joking, looking amazing all the time, and allowing him to glimpse little reminders that the ocean that I'm swimming in is full of fish. Not such a bad strategy, I think.

Okay, I'm getting a cold so I'm off to bed. Hope you have a good week. How have you been feeling (physically), BTW, since you've stopped physio?

FA