LWB, I loved the story about your DD and the Easter bunny. That was priceless, you couln't have scripted anything like that if you tried! Kids do say the darnedest things!
Do tell, is the Easter Bunny as clever as the tooth fairy?
Hugs,
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Week #4 of separation. H is very dark, but friendly when we are together. I suppose there really isn't much for us to chit chat about after we talk about the kids. He drives me CRAZY with his 'non plans'. He never lets me know what he is doing, and chose to spend two 'off' days without his kiddos. I am not going to bust his chops about this, though, because it means more time for me with the girls.
I told my good friend (neighbor) and her H yesterday (H and her H are good friends). They are very supportive. Her H said that he wants to talk with my H this week. I wish him luck. It won't do any good, might push H away further, but he is entitled to to say his say to my H.
I am hanging in there, doing fine for the most part. I am angry some days, angry at H for bringing us all to this road. I hope that passes.
Thank you going....I try not to let it consume me, I really do. Its easier around my kids then in the dark of the night. I am really so blessed and lucky. I am healthy and have 2 great kids, anything after that will fall into place.
I have been off and on sad all day and when H texts me at the exact time he is supposed to be there (so I can go to work), it hit the roof. I called him, said I didn't have time to text back and forth, what does he want. I went off on him about being reliable and hung up on him. He wasn't phased by my rants, took it, and kept saying "I know, I know". I am so angry at him right now. I calmed down and said to him that he needs to follow through with the kids or find someone that can. I am tired of this being my life. If he would just be reliable so I could actually go to work, then he wouldn't hear from me at all. Trust me.
D3 heard my loud exchange with H on the phone and said "Why you angry wif Daddy?". I could have cried. I had no choice, I tried to go in another room, and believe me, I would have gone off more if she hadn't been there. She was all worried about if she needed a babysitter, where was she going... Broken heart here. I hugged her and said "Mommy had to talk loud, Daddy was in a loud place (a bar, yes, a bar). We'll get you situated." She was fine after that, but I am mad at myself for doing it.
And for the record, I have to admit I am shocked. I am shocked my H has been off since Monday and has barely seen the girls. This is not the father he used to be. When he is there, he is engaged and fun. I told him today that he will never be able to complain to me that he doesn't see the kids enough. Ever. I know, you can't be in a full crisis and not neglect your kids a bit. I think I am in angry mode for the girls, they deserve more. I can only continue to pray for H and hope he comes around and gets back into the swing of things for the girls. Not even for me. I feel like that is too much to pray for, lol, like "Please let H be a good father again" request is enough for now.
