Yesterday you asked how do you detach and stop thinking about OW, if they're together, etc ... IT'S HARD! When I knew they probably were together it was all I could do to concentrate on even the simplest things. I tried to keep busy. I have a young teenage daughter and she keeps me busy.
I have a couple of friends who have gone through either PA/EA affairs and I talked with them a lot, and went out with them, too. Got together with my family, etc. The only thing you can is keep busy and don't obsess. And, remember his A isn't about you. And, that OW ain't worth getting upset over. You just worry about your PMA.
I don't mind answering your questions about the affection. We did sleep together, in the same bed. However, I thought the physical part of the A ended when I found out about it (I would not have touched him if I had known that it wasn't).
So, we stayed together, and just a few weeks after the bomb, we were intimate again. After I found out he was with her a couple more times, he offered again to move out of the bedroom, but it never came to that. We have a king-size bed so if I wanted my distance, it wasn't too hard! He knew when I was pissed and when to keep his distance. But over time, it really helped us connect. I found myself needing to cuddle up with him at night. Even if I was mad at him, I found that just being next to him at night soothed me. I needed it.
Over the months, OW became very anti-DB ... she pursued ... she called and called and called ... she got angry and belligerent. I was happy, smiling, hugging, loving, etc ... very pro-DB. That helped me a lot. But if we had not reconnected intimately, physically and emotionally, I think my H may have left. He asked me many times if I was only doing these things because I was afraid or embarrassed to get a D. It took me months to prove to him that I really did love and want him. I was very consistent (and still am, I am happy to say).
I completely understand your mixed feelings about letting your H back in your bed. I was a complete fool and trusted my H when he said the PA was over! I totally believed him. But in the end, things turned out ok so I don't think about it. I'm looking to the future and not fretting over the past.
It really sounds like your H is coming out of his fog, it really does. If what you've been doing is working, keep it up!! I hope you're thinking up some plans for the weekend. The more he has with you, the more time he'll spend with you ... less time with OW
(Also, what do you know about OW? In this day and age you have to think about STDs! I got checked out by my doc.)
