I am 44 years old today. My W and I have been married 7 years. We met via the Internet when we were both 36. She lived in another state at the time and I traveled to her state weekly to date. She ended up moving to Tennessee about 9 months after we met. I asked her to marry me about 3 months after we met. This is not my first rodeo, I married my first W right out of high school-I was 19, young, immature and did not know what I was doing. That marriage failed after 10 years due to an affair by her, I have a son by the first marriage, he is 23. I had joint custody of him since he was 10 but my first W made it extremely hard to get visitation and other things so my R with my son has been very hard due to things she said and did. I have a daughter by my second wife. My daughter is 2.
My R with my second W started out great. I love her and have loved her since we first met. We had a whirlwind romance and have had many things happen through our R that have been difficult. My W was 36 when we met and had never had a child. I had a vasectomy after my first marriage and had decided I did not want more kids. There was some discussion about a child before we got married but no definite plans. My W moved to Tennessee, we built her dream home up in the mountains (log Home)on land her mother owned and moved in. Shortly after moving in, maybe within a year-year and a half, immense pressure was put on her by her mother and father to have a child. I feel like this is when our problems started. I told my W I did not really want another child. We were not in a good financial position at the time, no money for the vasectomy reversal and then their were age issues, so I waffled. I just could not come to a decision about having another child..My W felt like I made her wait, which I did but not for the reasons she thinks. I made her wait because of the financial part..I ended up have the surgery, she ended up having to have some In vitro procedures done in order to conceive..we have a beautiful daughter now who I love, adore and would not take anything for, I do not regret for 1 minute the decision I made to go ahead and commit to having another child. My biggest regret is that my waffling and indecision has led us to where we are now. My wife informed me on Jan. 21st that she wanted a divorce, she told me again on Feb. 13th. She filed for a divorce on Feb. 26th and told me the papers were waiting on me at the courthouse. I did not pick them up and they have not been served on me. My W and I have been in counseling since 1st of March. We went to 2 sessions with a counselor who was referred to me by my EAP through work, we both thought he was OK during the first session but he either decided he needed to nap, had a stroke or was doped up the second session because he fell asleep 6 times and talked jibberish the second session..SOOOOO, we start with a new therapist tomorrow night.
I am hear, at this place in my life, because I took my W for granted. I look back and see I made so many R mistakes. Her mother has never liked or accepted me and this has caused tremendous problems that I did not handle well. We a problem arose or an argument started I immediately shut down and got quite due to a lack of communication skills. I have worked on myself since Christmas..I have improved my communication with my wife and tried to get her to see the man she fell in love with. I have been working out, lost 28 pounds and may see my Abs soon. I have taken a totally different approach around her mother--her mom is controlling, uses guilt as a weapon..I now let what her mothers crap roll right off my back..I finally figured out a 64 year old woman is not going to change, I have to change. Problem is my W says I killed all her feelings(love) for me and she does not know if she can get those feelings back. We are still in the same house, living in separate bedrooms.
I have read Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy and have looked around this website quite a bit. I guess I'm looking for support, help and suggestions. There are just so many things we have been through that it's hard to list it all in one post.
