Troubled,

You asked for my perspective, so I'll give it. Maybe I'll shy away from actual "advice". \:\) I tend to be kind of blunt, like inmyplace, so hopefully I won't get my head bitten off by other posters.

First off, I admire your dedication. To be honest, I'm not sure I would have that much dedication, although I've certainly never had the opportunity to find out. Seeing how sex-starved you are truly makes me grateful that my complaints about my wife are minor.

I know I read your initial post before and possibly posted. Did I? Regardless, I feel ill equipped to deal with the lack of sex in your marriage since I think it will take much more than suggesting that you mix it up. Your wife will have to see you in a new light and want to have sex more.

Your main problem, and maybe one that will improve your sex life, is the relationship you have with your wife, and it's been building over time. There seems to be quite a bit of co-dependency and in-grained behaviors which you'll have to break. I think you've got a glimpse of that when you stood up to her and she reacted in a different way. If the underlying relationship improves, the loving feelings return (and if push came to shove, do you think you truly feel in love anymore...or just yearn for what love used to be?), and sex returns. I think that the sex life will have to be at the bottom of the list until other areas improve.

I think it's fair to say that your wife isn't willing to change, anything, except maybe seeking out things that she perceives will make her happy, like OM. Remove your wife from the picture for a minute and decide whether you are doing things you enjoy and your life is fulfilling for you. How much have you given up in an effort to please your wife. Can you get some of that back? It's possible to carve time out to rejuvenate yourself (and make yourself happy), while still being a good husband and father...I'd argue a better one, because you are more of a pleasure to be around. You can include your kids and they can benefit. It can't be all about, "how can I make her happy" or "what do I have to do to make her see me in a more favorable light", because you can't make her do anything.

So, I'd suggest (I guess I'm advising and not sharing personal experience) that you find a life you enjoy. I chose to join a volleyball team, take a class, take trips to see old friends or people I met on here, enjoy my kids more, I even enjoy getting out and walking the dogs and looking up at the stars. I called my family more, went out by myself if necessary to plays, movies, or to dinner. Got programs for the computer to help me learn things I wanted to know. Worked on writing in my book (which I'll never finish probably). If you have hobbies, take them back up. If you're religious, join a men's group. Whatever, but take some time for you. And when you feel more rejuvenated, be sure to think about your wife's needs without smothering her. She doesn't want you in her face, but a kind deeds, done matter of factly because you care, may help soften her up some. Do them without asking or expecting it to be noticed, and don't point out what you are doing. Just some thoughts.

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt