Just wanted to post an update. At some point, we have to decide what our personal boundaries are. How much personal integrity are we willing to give up in order to save our M? Everyone is different, but I found my answer today.
For almost 3 months I have listened to lies from my WW. I have been waiting for any sign of progress back to the marriage and away from OM. Unfortunately, my wife is completely addicted to this man and despite her claims that the A is "over," she continues to have contact with him. I have asked her about the contact and she admits is.
I just discovered she got herself a secret "affair cell phone." This after I told her I would no longer pay for her cell phone she was using to continue the relationship.
So, folks, that is my limit. I have done nothing but fight for my kids, me, and my W and marriage for the past 3 months. But sadly this is a fight I cannot fight alone. My W's actions make it very clear she is incapable of being married to me, a good person. All indications now are that her inability to make a decision to end the A will indeed end our M.
I have a few days before I see my atty to file the papers. Maybe she will wake up from the fog, but I doubt it.
All of this time, I have been trying to protect her from herself. How crazy is that? I didn't want her to throw away almost 10 years of marriage, 3 beautiful kids, and honestly, the 'perfect' life. But I can't do it anymore. I can't protect her from the consequences of her actions. Time for her to sleep in the bed she made. That is not anger or hurt talking, it is just the truth. I am done trying to clean up this mess alone.
In a weird twist, the entire hellish journey has been a VERY good one for me in a way. I truly have rediscovered who I am, what I want to be, and now know where I am going. The exposure, the taking charge, etc... it has all been empowering and shown me I have an inner strength I thought was lost years ago. I will be better off somehow, and I know I will continue to grow as a person.
I have always been a GREAT dad, and that will continue to be my number 1 priority in life. Protecting and raising those precious kiddies. They deserve the best I can give them.
I will update you on the stich as it develops. Please say a prayer for my kids, me and even my WW.
