Better late than never?

[jon2911]

Hi all,
Sorry to be out for so long. We ended up going camping that weekend and it was great. We lived together again for the next month and it looked like things were working out, but she remained convinced that she needed to move home to Houston.

Michelle, I'm catching up on your sitch as well. Yes, I bought the bike, and it's been great. Like joining a fraternity, which I need right not. The divorce papers have been withdrawn, because they were on the docket for too long. Here in Dallas, they get thrown out after 6 months. W is also on my benefits now, so she can't divorce me or she'd lose that. I was excited when the divorce was thrown out, but it's not that big of a hurdle for her to file again. We'll see.

A week ago she moved back to Houston to live with her parents, supposedly short-term. The alien is officially back. Calls are short and mean. According to her, I'm not welcome at her parents house, so it will be difficult to visit her. W's parents are still pushing her to divorce. She told her father that she's having second thoughts about the divorce, and he gave her a laundry list of promises I've broken. I've been meeting with a counselor, and he was shocked that W would move back home, right when we were living together again and patching things up. He's concluded that her unhealthy relationship with her father, and her desire to please him, caused a lot of our marital problems. I'm still processing that.

I couldn't convince her to stay. She told me "I'm going home so that my dad can support me, because you never did." I want to move there so badly, when we live close together we can't stay away from each other. The love and chemistry are still there. She admits that, but feels betrayed and that she can never trust me again. One specific breaking of trust happened in the last couple months, and I feel terrible about it.

W had mentioned OM to me, and that he was stalking her. I thought when we started to patch things up, OM would be out of the picture, but he wasn't. In fact, she went out on Valentine's with him instead of me. She had OM #2 in for the weekend, and I tried to be cool with it. He's a mutual friend from college, and supposedly nothing more. Then he started putting pics on Facebook where he looked like a pimp with W, and all my friends started calling me. They feel like I'm getting played. And I guess I am.

I snooped in her e-mail and Facebook one night, and found out more about what's really been going on back to June. It made me feel much better at the time, because a lot of her actions back then up to now make sense. Then I made the biggest mistake. I fired an angry e-mail to her dad, asking how he thinks he's going to help her headaches by moving her to Houston. I also made it clear that I'm not pressuring her to stay married. My counselor actually thought my e-mail to W's dad was a good thing, because I need to stand up to him more. Unfortunately, I also included a line about W's "affairs going back to June." We've talked since then, and she says it was strictly EA, not PA. I got desperate knowing she was about to move and quit DB'ing.

W and I actually had a good talk last night, she's coming in this weekend and we need to finish our taxes. Hopefully I can have it mostly done and we can just spend time together. She also mentioned that I might e-mail her dad and clear up what I said. She's still terrified of him and what he thinks (W's grandpa was an alcoholic, and her dad runs his family much the same way. They call it the "dry alcoholic" syndrome). I thanked her for letting me do that. She's specifically forbid me to contact any of her family and friends, and I want to honor that.

So, here are the quick goals for the week:
1. Apartment clean and inviting when she comes
2. Taxes mostly done
3. Letter to W's dad written
4. Mindset confident, not desperate

The last is the most important to me. I hate that she moved away, but this is a time to work on myself. W has asked that we be nice this weekend, no R talk or family talk. I can tell her parents are driving her nuts already, just like I knew they would. You can't move home at 25 and expect things to work. I need her to remember that I'm the one that's one her side against this migraine disease. Her parents don't understand, and neither does anyone else. They've convinced her that I'm the problem, and that she'll be able to find a job in 2-3 months and move on. Not going to happen.

Any thoughts or advice are appreciated.