Bring on the Rain

[SueS]

Joie & Yoyo-

Hi ladies......hope you're both doing well today. Life is just very strange right now. I just keep holding on to D3 for dear life giving her all the hugs and kisses she'll let me give.

SIL wants to rent a car & go home to IN. She and my BIL aren't talking. BIL is at the Mayo clinic (1 & 1/2 hrs. south of me) by himself. He was being stubborn & took their vehicle himself to go to his appointments......refusing to let SIL or FIL go with him. So, FIL, SIL & niece are stuck at our place & bored as hell. I offered my vehicle if one of them would just drop me off at work. They didn't want to do that.

H didn't get home until 8:30 last night. He told me he'd be home around 7:30. I love his family, but this is HIS family and he should have made arrangements to be there with them.

I've told myself that each time I start to get all misty eyed about my M ending I need to remind myself of what I said I no longer want to live with. Mainly the drinking. My SIL asked if OW knows of H's drinking problem & his previous marriage and A. I told her that even if OW knows all that, she feels that SHE's the one he loves. SHE is the one that he'll change for. SHE is the one that will make a difference.......just as I did. What she doesn't know is how H got completely inebriated at his own mother's wake and threatened to hit me if I didn't stop at the liquor store on the way back to the hotel (with an 8-mo. old in the car). How he was drunk and arrested at a cousin's wedding. How when D3 was only a year old she and I had to drive 30 miles into Chicago at 10:30 pm to the United Center because H was drunk, had an argument with friends and was kicked out of a concert. How H passed out at a REM concert and missed all but about 2 songs. How H was drunk on both D3's baptism & 1st birthday. How my mom was AMAZED last fall because it was the first time she'd been around H that he hadn't been drinking. I can go on and on. When it comes down to it, as odd as it sounds, there are things about my "old" H that I will miss. I cannot, however, allow my daughter to live with his alcoholism. I lived with it with my father. I love my father, but his alcoholism has a lot to do with why I'm the type of person I am. I'm an enabler....always trying to smooth things out and make them better....even if it means allowing the bad behavior to continue regardless of whether it hurt me or not.

Well, I set up additional appointments to go look at apartments this weekend with my mom. I just have to keep looking at the positives in this. I know people may wonder what's positive about a D, but there has to be some out there.....there just has to be.

Have a great day!

SueS