Purr has lost all hope. WAW/ MLC Second Thread

[minkerman]

Purr, you have checked in on a few of my threads, and I thank you for your input. As you know, you and I are on the same journey. There is one minor difference. I have accepted that maybe W won't come back, and I am no longer obsessing about it. I called her bluff and sent her a "Dobson Letter", basically setting her free. She has talked a lot about that, and just how much she has appreciated it. It came across as a sign of strength from me, at a time when I was acting more needy than anything else.

Does this mean I love her any less? Of course not! My W gives plenty of signs that she is not done with me...I have just taken my pining, waiting by the phone and watching the door, out of the equation, and gotten on with my life. I am doing things that I have always wanted to do, I am pulling back so she will do a bit of the work (however small that may be) and I am listening to what my DB coach is telling me.

I don't have an expected outcome, I have a preference. I have told her this. I prefer that we are a married couple, and that we eventually get back together and work on this. She always says, "well, I'm still here, aren't I?".

This is what makes it easier for me to wait. Well maybe not wait...I am just living my life, basically in neutral. But at least neutral isn't reverse!

Try to keep an attitude, Purr, that things are not going to "obviously" go south. Also, don't assume that things are going to turn around suddenly and she will come running back. Unlikely. You have a TON of positives in your sitch. For some reason you are having trouble seeing them.

*Try to stay neutral and lovingly detached.
*Try not to get drawn into R talk, except to validate what she says.
*If she wants to know what you think, she will ask.
*Accept that she probably is NOT done with you yet.
*Accept that this will take far longer than you think, then multiply by 3.
*Be happy and upbeat around her. Not fake, just relaxed, easy and happy.
*Try getting together and CONSCIOUSLY don't steer any talk towards "us", for instance go to a movie, grab a quick coffee or lunch, meet after work for ONEdrink, then say "this has been nice, but I gotta go".
*Never, I repeat NEVER, act clingy or weak.
*The most important thing of all: Be Consistent.

You will get through this, Purr. Your attitude is 100% your choice. You feel the way you choose to feel. Choose to be neutral, leaning towards positive