Help me act AS IF, Thread 4

[newnamenewlife]

I'm feeling confused and hopeless today (what's new?!)

I am sick of sharing the bed with a man who won't touch me AT ALL.
I am sick of him saying goodbye without kissing or hugging me.
I am sick of H being unwilling to talk about anything R oriented unless it's about his plans to separate. Do I have to cooperate with that, even if I think it's wrong for our family?

I have been giving him a lot of space. It's been a long time now since I said ILY or suggested we do something together or done anything a couple would normally do. All it is doing is pushing him away further--yet asking for affection and attention seems pathetic and needy too.

My D11 is not in good shape these days either. She is prone to depression herself and even though she doesn't know exactly what is going on, she clearly senses the discord between H&I. However, I think a D would make her worse, not better.

How do I let H go without actually helping him do so? I keep resisting when he talks about moving out and then he pulls away further and we don't talk about it again for weeks. There are real financial reasons why it would be a crazy move on his part.

What's so weird and confusing is that he also talks about the future as if he'll be living here. He enjoys gardening in our back yard and was doing that with the girls yesterday; I know he thinks he can move out but then spend time here gardening and hanging out with us or the girls BUT THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ME.

His parents got him a bike for his bday last week and I asked him where he was planning on keeping it (since a small apt is the only option if he wants to move out). He said he's thinking about building a shed in our yard for all of our bikes.

This stuff is driving me crazy. He wants out of our M, but still thinks he can come and go from our house. This just doesn't work for me! Am I going to come and go from his new apt? No. He cannot accept that he is changing our WHOLE family life and structure. I honestly believe that our kids would only be confused by having their father leave but not leave. I hate that he acts as if I'm being "difficult" by not acquiescing to his vision for how the separation will go. I want him to be an involved father, but not on my turf. I am going to need my own space and privacy if he chooses to move elsewhere. Is this unreasonable? The cake-eating scenario will only make me more resentful, and that isn't good for the kids either.