I'm on my "I can't sleep, finished journaling, how did it get to be morning" round and came across your post. I hope you're still around, though it seems like what you wrote was beautifully cleansing.
First, I am not that experienced with this whole shebang. My journey was kick-started 2 months ago.
Letting go of a constant reminder, not itching the scabbing wound all are wonderful. Doing the 'right' thing.. my goodness.. gold stars, bravos and encores! What a gift you gave to yourself. I figure, the better you are as a person during times of struggle, the even more incredible you become (in a spiritual, personal, good to be in my own skin type of way).
When you saw her, the differences you noted.. were factual and judgmental.. kinda justifying that she must not be happy, that she looks bad.
I'd let go of her personal appearance (heck, her mother is dying, her sister has cancer, she has stepchildren, in a marriage with an older guy).. who wouldn't look a little ragged? The fact she looked to you for compliments says to me.. the neophyte that I am.. that she's looking for more from you. What it is.. I don't know.
"Not wanting to condone what she did.. as far as not complimenting her." Personally, that sounds like an awful lot of emotional effort to put into a social nicety. That looking for compliments thing sets off a red flag. The fact that you thought she looked bad, when she'd obviously wanted to look good for you... kinda skewed.
At one point you had been her safe harbor, her solid rock. Pain dims, differences dissolve and what is left is the silk screen remembrances of what was good.
Ask yourself.. Has she learned to be a better emotional needs communicator? Or is she better at turning to someone else?
And how is the boo-boo in your heart? You've survived something you never imagined happening in your life but you still are carrying nerve endings of pain that twinge.
You already know the answer to the question you posed here, about talking and being friendly with her. The question is.. what is best for you?
I'd wish you good luck, but it seems like you've got it all!
