Please help...need MLC advice

[tpaschal]

Hey tpaschal,

You asked about what you should have done regarding asking your H about Easter etc. While I know that sometimes H's kind of expect their W's or xW's to schedule things, I am one of those that think they need to cowboy up and show their kids they have the intent to be active in their lives. He's making other choices for himself and he has the ability to choose a R (or not) with his kids. I never blame my H to our D's, but I don't rescue him either. His R with them is his responsibility. That's just my two cents (and notice where we're meeting...).

Grace,

Thanks for the hugs and encouragement.

I think I did right by not contacting H at Easter---by leaving the ball in his court about whether or not he contacted the kids---by letting his relationship with them be up to him---but it does hurt to see them hurt.

I try not to badmouth H to the kids, but sometimes I am at a loss as to what I SHOULD say. When S9 is feeling sad and depressed and missing his dad and asking me why this is happening and why didn't Daddy come over, etc., what do I say? I don't want to lie and tell him Daddy was busy or out of town or something, so I've been trying to tell him in language a 9 year old would understand that Daddy loves him very much but is struggling with some things and is very confused right now.

My kids know about the OW, though the two younger ones have not laid eyes on her (except in pics of H and OW together that OW has hung up all over H's apt.) since this all started more than a year ago, and they refer to her as "the girl" or "that girl." The 5 year old actually came up with---ON HER OWN---"that girl who stoled our Daddy away." Out of the mouths of babes, right? LOL!

We pray for H every night, and since they know about OW, we pray for her, too. We keep it short and simple.

If anyone has any good ideas about what to say to the kids about H when they are hurting from him not pursuing a relationship with them, I'd appreciate it.