It's funny. The MLC board is full of these little snippets posted by our moderators these days that tell us how we SHOULD be advising people. I think most of us on your thread are violating about all of them. Either we're totally screwed up, or they're totally clueless of what the MLC mess is all about.
Never advise a person to get rid of their spouse? Hmmm....
I don't think people are advising others to 'get rid' of their spouse. I think, as far as I am seeing in my thread, people are advising me to put some DISTANCE between she and I for my own mental health.
If the moderators see that as a negative, then there is a problem in their interpretation of the '180' and 'detaching'. Sometimes detaching requires PHYSICAL separation. In my case that's the only way I'll be able to truly detach. It's also the only way W will ever truly learn what she is abandoning - the only person who has given her unconditional love most of her life.
Quote:
Well, you know me and my thoughts Frank. I've never ruled out a positive outcome AT SOME POINT DOWN THE LINE, but for now? You NEED this woman out of your life and out of your mind. The most important order of business for FRANK right now is to find your way to some peace of heart and mind. She only makes this more difficult, if not darned near impossible.
Yep, I know this to be true, and if there is a MODERATOR reading this let me assure them that this is not a 'get rid of her, get a divorce' kind of thing. We need SPACE. I need to regroup and rebuild myself before I can do anything else.
Tonight she is at 'her household', i.e. the 'house sitting dog place'. She had D12 over for dinner. D12 didn't want to stay overnight tonight either so W is alone again.
When she left earlier she sounded kind of sad when she said 'bye'. She tried to start a conversation with me but I kept being silent and she wouldn't take the 'hint' and go away. She kept trying to be funny or make jokes. Weird.
Every day, I get a little more detached from this and every day I keep thinking about 'who I am'.
I know on this board we're anonymous, and that's a good thing. As my best (and until now - only) friend John said to me tonight "I'm still trying to understand how YOU, of all people, could be in this place. You've created technology companies worth millions of dollars, and now you're barely paying your mortgage??? Why? Where is that 'Frank' who creates complex technological solutions for people like Sony, Cisco and others? How did you fall so far?"
I really have spent a long time trying to figure that part out. In my 'Rolodex' I have phone numbers of VP's of fortune 500 companies and others who respect me, and think I am able to do great things.
Yet I crashed and burned. I understand that part, but I do NOT understand why I stayed 'down' for so long. Except that I'm now realizing that I had 'help'. I chose someone to be my wife who was a drain on me. Which wasn't a bad thing when I was strong. But when I was weak, it was toxic.
It was toxic. And when I turned to alcohol as my 'medicine' it was nearly fatal.
While I cannot 'blame' her for my shortcomings, I can give her responsibility for our family, which does include me. Unfortunately, she will not take that responsibility. I will, but it's a lot to carry right now. I'm no hero at all, just a man doing the best I can with what I have been given.
Thanks Bill, Ford, AmyC and everyone.
I REALLY wish Michelle would write a book on Mid life Crisis. However, I think that ANYONE who writes a book on that topic would be in big trouble because no matter WHAT they say, they would be wrong and get sued! MLC is NUTS!
