RTL, I so agree with everyone, you need to go dark!!!!! Deal with your L about finances and papers. If I were you I would not discuss anything with her other than visitation times. You should think about protecting yourself and your D. If she questions you , refer her to your L. Until she stabilizes you should only listen to your L. In this woman's mind you are the cause of all her problems, you can't deal with her. Allow the professionals to work things out. It is the only way you will retain your sanity.
The daughter in the bed thing is driving me mad! I think we had one or more kids in the bed every morning until they were 6 or so! It was almost like an alarm clock! You W has lost her mind. S now 10 spent many a night in out bed until he was at least 5, if not 6. He isn't too ruined!
My S7 has occasional nightmares and crawls in bed with me in the middle of the night. He is a kicker and makes it tough for me to sleep at times. D5 never wakes up and probably could sleep through a tornado.
As for the nightmares, I ended up buying them both dream catchers to put over their beds. It did not work for that long. The best thing I use now when S7 has nightmares is to rub some what I call "good dream lotion" on his neck. He believes it works, but I have not told him it is just my mens cologne.
Yes, you are all correct. I'm going dark. I'll talk about getting D, but that will be all. The rest can go through the attorneys.
I know W is scared about the custody issue, but to attempt to paint me in such a negative light will only cause damage to D in the long run. She is very selfish in her actions right now. The parenting evaluator will be getting this information and I'll let him process it further.
I just spent the past 3 1/2 hours at Office Max photo copying all our finanicial records from 2002 to yesterday. I spent $200 in copies and I have page upon page for her to go through. I still will have to go back and do more, I think, as I'm requested to give her my account information as well. I also have to dig up some more things, so I'll have a fun Spring Break w/ this. I turn them into my L on Friday.
I'm going to send W an e-mail later asking when I get to see my D again and informing her all the finanicial records have to pass through the hands of my L for documentation purposes and my L will get them on Friday. Other than that, she'll get nothing of substance from me.
I've got to run to my counseling appointment (I made it home just in time to shower -- lucky for the counselor, eh?).
I'll write more later. Thanks to everyone for chiming in. Hey, Jeff, nice to see you over here as well.
Thanks, RTL! I hope not to end up here, so to speak, but what happens, happens. The thing with D coming to your bed just got me. S10 slept with us really until he was 5, most of the time. It really wasn't a problem! I think it was his was of getting parent time, since he was the "baby" of the family.
Hey, I'm burned about the bed thing as well. I can't believe my W would stoop so low as to try and accuse me of child abuse. It is very wrong and sick. I am mad at taking her bait and offering even a shred of information to her last night, but what is done is done. I didn't give away much and I let her know she was wrong, inappropriate, and not looking after the best interests of D.
BTW, are you in the Valley? Do you golf? I'm here in Arizona as well so if you'd like to have someone to golf w/ or just grab a few beers, send me an e-mail at regwinn@msn.com and we'll connect. It may be nice to have someone to go through this w/ who really knows some of the things I'm dealing with here.
Ok, here is the e-mail I just sent to W:
Quote:
I sent you an e-mail last night w/ my schedule for the week, so let me know when I'll be able to see D during my Spring Break.
Also, I began copying financial documents today and they will be turned into my lawyer on Friday, well before the April 7 deadline.
Finally, remember I need to agree to any realtor concerning the house, so once you find one they will need to contact and meet w/ me right away so I can see if I agree to go w/ them for selling our house.
She is getting the business end only from now on. Sorry to have to go here, but she's left me no real choice. I wonder if she'll even let me talk w/ D tonight. As always, who knows? I'll just continue to document it for my 2nd meeting w/ the evaluator tomorrow.
Sounds like you are doing what has to be done. He "stuff" seems pretty transparent, I don't think you have anything to worry about in the long run, but geeze! Of course, CPS has been taking a beating lately, at least down here, so who knows how long it might take to get it all resolved.
I'm down in Tucson, so not quite a neighbor, but not that far! Hmmm, do I golf? That is sort of a trick question! I have a set of clubs. I take them onto golf courses on occasion, usually in the summer, in the afternoon, when it is cheap, and no sane person would be out there. Whether what ensues is golf or not is clearly open to interpretation! I really need to play more or quit, but I probably won't do either, so I'll continue do do what I do! I'll drop you an email so you'll have mine. We ought to be able to work something out sometime, I'd think!
Got your e-mail. We should be able to figure something out, especially once summer hit and I'm out of school. I'll hopefull have a custody schedule by then. Let's keep our fingers crossed.
Update... W called a bit after 7 to let me talk w/ D as she was tired. I spoke w/ D for a bit over 2 minutes then she wanted to go. W got on and apologized for calling early but D was tired. I said in my most cheery voice, "Hey, thanks for doing that. I'm glad I got to talk to her. I'll talk w/ you later. Bye." and I hung up.
Then I went back to Office Max and spent another $130 on copies and I'm not done yet. I'm hoping we can bleed some of this money out of W's rear. Ugghhhh!! If I was to do this over again, knowing I was going to have my W file for divorce, I'd definitely not do as good of a job keeping records. I kept everything, which means I also get to photo copy it all.
Then I went back to Office Max and spent another $130 on copies and I'm not done yet. I'm hoping we can bleed some of this money out of W's rear. Ugghhhh!! If I was to do this over again, knowing I was going to have my W file for divorce, I'd definitely not do as good of a job keeping records. I kept everything, which means I also get to photo copy it all.
Keep the receipts for those copies--she should pay half the cost. In fact, the next time you have a shared cost with her--daycare for example--you might pay your share minus half the cost of the copies. Just a thought anyway.
Don't let her b!tching about the finances get to you. As an adult, she had/has a responsibility to be aware of her own financial situation. She just knows that it is an area where you feel some guilt, so she is attacking what she sees as a weak spot. At some point in this process of detachment you might begin to see some humor in her tirades. That kind of behavior becomes very predictable--whenever something doesn't go the way she wants, she'll attack some perceived flaw in your character. The next time you stand up to her, try taking a step back to observe the response. It won't be about the issue at hand, but rather some past "mistake" for which you should be sorry. It's a way of avoiding responsibility.
I had my 2nd meeting w/ the parenting evaluator today and found out W had been there yesterday. W told the evaluator that ever since Grace was born I was overwhelmed as a parent, spent more and more time at school, and constantly screamed at W while at home.
I told the evaluator that was somewhat true, but not an accurate picture as we didn't fight all the time. He later told me that people will always say things are awful when they leave a relationship or a situation, so he takes those types of comments w/ a grain of salt.
I also found out that on the advice of her L, W called the evaluator on Friday to express her concerns that I may be inappropriately touching D. The evaluator told me he can't give advice, but told W if this charge goes to CPS and they come back that it is unsubstantiated it will reflect poorly on her.
We discussed the seriousness of W's allegations and what it could mean to me professionally. I said "I don't know why she's doing this" and he replied, "Yes. You do." That gave me the confidence to believe he may not have been too swayed by W's 1st appearance. I hope she reflected poorly. The evaluator also said that if this seed is planted in D's head now at an early age, she could end up being scarred later in life b/c she would come to believe that I did molester, even when I didn't. He didn't seem too happy at all that this card was played.
I told him some very personal things and he thanked me at the end for being honest and forthright w/ my information. I also told him he is free to look at all my counseling records and I had told my counselor that he'd be contacting him soon. I think he likes the fact that I'm not trying to BS him or hide anything. Again, I don't think W can say the same thing.
We also talked about how difficult it is to care for someone who is in chronic pain as I did w/ W's endometriosis. He could understand how I felt b/c he treated terminally ill patients and even said "people can't understand how difficult it is to be the one in the caretaker position unless you've been there, so I understand." Again, that should help me.
He told me that under no circumstances should D's words be taken as the gospel truth and that if either of us try to use her as a tool we'll suffer for it in his ruling. I expressed my concern for D being in the middle of this mess and I was concerned about her being biased against me. He seemed to agree that a bias was already occuring.
So, it went pretty well. In fact, I go back tomorrow to take the 560+ True/False test. That should be fun! It will take me 2-2 1/2 hours to complete, but I'm ready to go for it tomorrow afternoon.
W and I have e-mailed today. She sent three seperate e-mails: 1) asking if I want D Thursday and Friday; 2) talking about dividing up the furniture (we both want the exercise bike -- it is a $2500 bike and I can't run); and 3) to tell me it was ok to have our normal tax man do our taxes, that I can contact the realtor I asked about on Sunday, and through out the idea of having a moving company move her stuff to her apartment. The tones were civil, but who the Hell knows what goes on in that head right now? I sure don't.
I wonder if her session yesterday w/ the parenting evaluator shook her up a bit or at least let her know that 50/50 is a very realistic option for her to have to deal with in the near future. However, I'm still bracing for the "smoking gun" she thinks she has on me. I don't have a clue what it could be, but I'm pretty sure she'll be trying something since her last desperate measure didn't pan out.
