First of all I offer huge apologies for not keeping up and available lately. Last week was spring break, with Deb and the kids coming in town for an extended visit. We haven't seen each other for some time, so we've really enjoyed getting to be together, and the kids are enjoying each others company.
As for you, I'm sorry the lexapro isn't quite doing the whole job just yet, but hopefully it will improve. Surely if you go another week or so without the level of effectiveness you are hoping for, your doctor would be willing to try something else. I'm glad you're willing to use it just to get your feet firmly planted under you again.
I've told you before my take on your wife's current state. She has spent some time convincing herself internally that it is right and ok to leave you and abandon the marriage. If she has anything even close to normal sensibilities about this in the past, it took her some time to get this all rationalized out in her mind. She also has gravitated towards people who are similarly touchy feely SELF people, people who will be quick to applaud her positive steps toward realizing her own personal happiness, conveniently bypassing any thought or consideration of how others attached to the family are affected.
They all, as I believe AmyC first pointed out to you, are living deceptions of happiness. In my mind, this is all nothing more than a house of cards that will never hold up to the reality of life alone. And hey, these same people who applaud her now are also among the most shallow individuals around, and they will NOT be the ones reaching out to her when she eventually begins to sink.
So yes, right now she appears all together, seems to have a great support network, seems to know just what she wants and doesn't want, and seems perfectly at peace with it. I see her and her friends as not at all unlike those who must have laughed their asses off at Noah and his family while they were doing the whole ark building, animal gathering thing. For some reason the question "How long can you tread water?" keeps coming to mind.
Now for you. I guess I too am glad to see you being a bit indignant at how your wife has carried (or not carried) her load in this marriage. At the same time, I'm wishing a whole lot that you could find a way to somehow relegate her to the BACK of your mind so that you could get on with the business of Frank and his kids. Maybe that's where I agree with Amy that there was someway, anyway to get her out of the house and out of your line of site. I'll say it again, this woman is TOXIC to you and does nothing but impede any progress you might otherwise be able to make.
It's funny. The MLC board is full of these little snippets posted by our moderators these days that tell us how we SHOULD be advising people. I think most of us on your thread are violating about all of them. Either we're totally screwed up, or they're totally clueless of what the MLC mess is all about.
Never advise a person to get rid of their spouse? Hmmm....
Well, you know me and my thoughts Frank. I've never ruled out a positive outcome AT SOME POINT DOWN THE LINE, but for now? You NEED this woman out of your life and out of your mind. The most important order of business for FRANK right now is to find your way to some peace of heart and mind. She only makes this more difficult, if not darned near impossible.
Less focus on her. She is a roommate. And actually, the kind of roommate that you DON'T plan on signing a new lease with next time.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
