Yet another relative of MLM's has died...this time a 24-yr old young man who had his whole life ahead of us.
I am feeling very down today...
I feel like my H is stuck. I feel like he is complacent with the way things are...i feel like he is cake eating...I feel like everything else is more important than I am, than our R is, than our M is...
People say that sometimes a traumatic event makes them wake up...but honestly, I don't believe that he will ever wake up. I think he is okay with having separate lives. I think it makes HIS life much easier...he doesn't have to make any choices or decisions. He doesn't have to face up to anything.
I don't want to live like this anymore.
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Upside, I have been doing this for a LONG time...almost 3 years...and yes it is getting old. REALLY old.
So old that I don't wear my wedding ring anymore...or rarely...what is the point? FOr the first time today, it has hit me that he really is never coming back...and yet I stand...and I don't know why.
Maybe the death of MLM's young cousin has made ME see that standing may not be right for me...even though there are a lot of positives according to some here...I am not so sure...I feel like no real movement has happened in over a year.
I mean, how long are you supposed to wait? I think it is different for everyone...but I am at a critical frustration level and just don't want to talk to him or have any contact with him...
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
even though there are a lot of positives according to some here...I am not so sure...I feel like no real movement has happened in over a year.
I don't really know all of your history. Seems like you have had a lot of touch and goes with your H...but you have seen no real movement in a year??? Have you tried doing all the LRT's? Has anything helped? If you quit standing, what will really change?
I don't think there is any real fomula to figure out how long you should wait. IMO, it when you feel like you have given it all you've got and just can't do it anymore...so when you do finally walk away, you feel good knowing that you did absolutely eveything you could to save your M.
UD, I am not sure that anything will change if I quit standing...our R is already pretty businesslike...except for the occasional romp in the hay...so really the only that will change is that I will quit having sex with him.
I dunno, maybe I am having a down day...
My H is a drop in...he drops in all the time, he calls all the time...but he never talks about R or coming home or anything..if I bring it up, he freaks out and then I don't hear from him in days. PRetty much everything has been the same for a year now. He is pleasant sometimes...but he really is controlling...especially about finances...actually I really think that is the only reason why we haven't gotten D'd....money.
I am not sure about LRT's....today I am not in the mood to do any of it...I am tired and I really just want this to be OVER.
It's Monday, I guess...
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
You can have all the bichalina day's you need to, you have earned them.
I'm sorry MLM is still in the same place, it's been a while. When you are ready to stop standing I believe you know. I don't think it is a "light bulb" moment, it's a slow progression to the decision. I wouldn't say I am standing for my M any longer, I'm not looking for a new R, I just want to find peace and be me for a while. If STBX changed his mind would I consider it? Don't know. I think I would have to say yes but I don't think that he will ever come back.
You do what is best for you chica. I will support you either way,
Shades, thank you for your kinds words, it is really important for me to hear them...
I am on hormones right now and AD's and so sometimes I get a little emotional and can see myself acting like a loose cannon...but nothing I can do to stop...just let the feeling get itself out and then go from there...
Yes, it has been a million touch and go's for the past 1.5 years...before that it was sheer hell. so, I am at least that he is not spewing even if he is still in MLC and a super control freak. STILL.
I agree that when one decides to stop standing it is a gradual thing...I am not sure lightbulb moments happen. I think for now, I need to focus on me and getting myself to a good place.
That won't happen until surgery is over and I am off these meds...once I have the surgery I will be on HRT and I think that will even me out. I never used to be like this...ugh!
I know that I am not ready to throw in the towel completely...maybe because he never lets go...I don't think I would date...I am SO NOT there...I want to find my peace and just be 'me' for a while too!
I'm sorry you feel that your H will never come back, I know EXACTLY how you feel...
We'll get through this, mama...no matter what happens, we will get through this..
Hugs! Vali
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Yes, it has been a million touch and go's for the past 1.5 years...before that it was sheer hell. so, I am at least that he is not spewing even if he is still in MLC and a super control freak. STILL
That is amazing that your H is still a control freak even after all this time. My H is such the opposite. Has your H ever talked about a D? Just curious. My H filed over 6 months ago and never served me and he been doing the touch and go thing ever since. I am tired of it already and I can't see myself doing this for another year.
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I agree that when one decides to stop standing it is a gradual thing...I am not sure lightbulb moments happen.
I am on my 2nd M. My first H had an OW and all the drama that goes with it. I held on for almost 2 years...and then, I did have a light bulb moment. I was finally okay with getting the D. So, it can happen that way.
