Minkerman: Soothing the skittish spouse!

[minkerman]

My big win today was giving W my gift. Space.

No calls, no texts, no emails.

We had an awesome weekend, and using the "keep doing what doesn't work" mindset (joke), I have always contacted her on the day after a nice time, and said something positive, like 'wow that was sure a nice weekend'. It has usually backfired. I kept doing it anyway. Idiot!

So this time - MM, change it up!

Like I just said to the Treeman, what do I have to lose?

If this doesn't work, I'll change it again. That is what taking it slow and easy can do for you.

[minkerman]

As I was getting ready for bed just now, my W called me just to see how I was doing (I have just come down with a cold).

We talked, just small talk, for about 15 minutes.

This was after I purposely did not call, email or text all day today.

Nice reaching out on her part. Baby steps, doesn't matter how small.

Anyway, off to bed....

[cw68]

MM:

[C_K]

M

Thats a proper baby step , to call just to see how you were brilliant .

My W does this but there is allways a "want something" attached.
It will be a major step the day she calls or messages just to see how I am .

Dave

[minkerman]

Huh, this is interesting, to say the least.

She just called me again, just like last night...to ask if I had watched a certain webcast we have been watching together, and to see what I thought of it.

Since she has really been reaching out, I will call her back in a couple of hours to let her know my comments.

Man, I love this girl, that I have gone through the last 30 years of my life with. I hope these are all good signs for us. I have gotten to a comfortable level of detachment, and I think I can maintain it for quite a while, as she sorts out her confusion.

[Broken Tree]

nice work Mink. Feel comfort and sleep well.

[C_K]

Thats great

She is doing some of the work in the relationship. Keep it going she will value your R all the more if she has to put the effort in too.

Watch that the expectation circus doesnt roll into town and get you feeling too good so that you loose your momentum.

Dave

[minkerman]

Good advice, Dave, thanks.

Thanks to you up there ^ too, Treeman...good luck, remember our mantra. One minute, one hour, one day, one week at a time.

[minkerman]

Journaling:

Like many of you, I get discouraged too.

I was just checking the bank account online and saw that she bought another month's worth of transit tickets (we used to commute to work together). I knew she wasn't coming home yet, but to see it in print, well it's just discouraging. But I'll pull out of it. Just need to focus on (1) the positives, and (2) my own life.

Next time I see her will be a week today...we are going to a wine tasting event. That's a positive.

We are also going on a 3-day weekend trip to Seattle on our anniversary. That's a major positive. My chance to be a DB machine, and let her see my changes up close, 24/7 for 3 days. Scared? You bet. I realize that weekend could be a turning point. I also feel that, based on a few comments she has made - that this is also a test, of sorts. Maybe not a test of "me", rather, of "us".

Also, since it will be our anniversary, I will be drawing upon the collective wisdom here as that weekend (Apr 11-12-13) draws near, regarding how the "anniversary" part should be played.

I am quite detached from her/us, about 75% of the time, to be honest. For some reason, the other 25% of the time, feelings come flooding back. I start to miss her, and the life we had. I really need to beat the feelings back sometimes! Arrgghh.

I am a sensitive, emotional, yet commanding and confident guy. Everyone I know tells me that. Even SHE tells me that.

I guess it all takes time. And, in the grand picture, 3 months is not a lot of time.

Anyway....back to work. Fortunately I have a very busy job that keeps my mind on 1,001 other things. Most of the time.

[Broken Tree]

Your doing great Mink. Keep up the good work. You are one of the few success stories here. Keep us all encouraged.

Treeman