Well, it looks like my plan to contact B is somewhat controversial. Luckily we have five-six more weeks before we officially hit the "6 months of no contact mark"... which is when I'm planning to reach out... which will be.... May 2nd if we want to be precise. So there is plenty of time to discuss. the idea of reaching out with very small gifts and cards comes straight from JamesJohn's "coming out of the dark" thread.
Basically... It is highly possible that B thinks I hate his guts. He has no idea I have been DB'ing, going to therapy, working on my issues, brainstorming, praying, journaling, etc. To recap our last few interactions:
-Oct 30: He tells me he's leaving over the web cam and I handle it medium well (I stay pretty "calm" but bombard him with my own analysis) -Nov 1: At the appointed time for us to have our next conversation, I tell him I'm not ready to talk to him and will contact him when I am. I have not called him since. -following week: I send him a package of his mail that got forwarded to my house by mistake, I don't include a note. -a week later: he sends me an extremely cold "thank you for sending my mail" email. I do not respond. -Then four to five months go by...
Also, he is in New York City and I am in Atlanta, which means we are almost 900 miles apart. There is no easy way for me to "run into him" or see him casually.
So--what I'm thinking--with the "gifts of real giving"--is that the gift contains a message. The specific first gift I am thinking about sending is an inexpensive paperback collection of essays by a theologian he was very excited about. (We watched a DVD interview of the theologian a couple years ago). With a card that is humorous on the outside, but blank on the inside (already got one). Inside I would write something like, "Dear B, Saw this and thought of you. Hope you're doing well. T" I wait and see how he responds. If it is positive, then, the next gesture could be a silly postcard that reminds me of a story he told me about his past. Or, a copy of instructions on how to make beer from scratch from my favorite magazine (he is quite handy, and used to make biodisel, and likes beer). I could also shuffle the order on these gestures.
The reason I am interested in sending a gift is that it has some weight. It says, "I care about you, I remember what you like. I know things about you that know one else knows. I thought of you and found this special thing to share with you." Without me having to say those things. I feel like I want to show some intention. Not just like, "hey, how's it going?" as if these past six months never happened.
What do you think? It's almost like I'm sending a gift because I want him to be more likely to respond. I want to put the ball in his court in a way that he is more likely to pitch it back over the net. I feel like the gift is one way to do that. I'm not sure how else to.
Man, this is the longest post ever.... I'm sorry guys, I feel like there's some stuff I've got to "get out" since I took my break from the boards, now I feel like I'm overposting... There is more but I will post it later!
((((HUGS)))) T
P.S. I just found out I got into an awesome music festival in new jersey the first two weeks of june! Hooray!!
