hugs hon))))))))))) our hearts are always one step behind our minds, we know we should let go, but it is hard to tell our hearts to stop careing, we've done it for so long. I do hope you were able to go out and distract yourself a bit.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I didn't manage to get myself an outfit for D17s birthday but it wasn't for the want of trying. I did get one for D12 though. S15 refused to even come with us. I will need to look elsewhere for mine later in the week.
As far as I am aware H has not sent an RSVP for D17s birthday. SIL told D17 and I that he told them he was going but that's as close as we've come to finding out. I understand from D17 that he wasn't very happy that his invitation specifically said 'to dad'. He went on about OW being his partner and D17 just told him that she didn't know her, didn't want to know her and why would she want a 'stranger' at her 18th? This was in his house with OW lurking in it! So I hope he has got the message. I don't think she will ever forgive him if he either doesn't come at all or tries to bring OW.
I did go shopping with my friend. I didn't find what I was looking for but it was nice to have someone with me to at least give thier opinion. I can't say it was fun b/c I wasn't really in the mood but it did get me out of the house for a few hours. When we got back to her house we went round to see a mutual friend for a couple of hours. D12 was sleeping out so I didn't need to be in as early as I might otherwise had to do.
Today has not been a good day for me. I was up for 4 hours before anyone even spoke to me (S15 never gets up til lunch time at weekends). The more time goes on the more alone I feel. I need to learn to be comfortable with my own compnay otherwise when the kids have all left home I'll go mad.
JMW I'm glad you have reached acceptance. I am fighting this I know. I feel that if I accept I have given in. However I'm also tired of fighting.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
ACJ, it is amazing how kids know the truth (most of the time)and have no problems with convictions. Your kids are loyal to the family as you are so I can relate to your D not wanting the OW there. I would be the same way if I were her. My father was not faithful to my mother and he was so self-centered he did not keep the affairs secret from me. Instead of me following in his footsteps, I felt it is critical to be faithful to your partner.
Your children are fortunate to have you as their mom.
mmf
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I think if the weather was better our moods might lift a little, although the sun shines it is bitter cold, not our usual Easter weather, Hopefully the rain will stay away tomorrow and break bank holiday tradition.
Acceptance, it just seems to happen, I think the D process gets so draining it makes you realise that we either let it take us down or we accept what is happening and learn to live again. Don't get me wrong, I do still get upset at some of the things H says, I get frustrated by his actions ( or lack of ) but I no longer feel any kind of unhealthy attachment.
It has taken such a long time for me to get to this place, but I prefer it to how I was even 6 months ago.
Hang in there, you are doing well, as for liking your own company cause one day your house will be empty of kids, it doesn't happen, they bring more with them when they get older, my house seems to be like the local youth club at times, I had three cars pull up today full of teenagers, they just dropped by to watch a DVD, then went off to get some food, then returned to just hang out.
Your children are fortunate to have you as their mom
Thank you MMF.
JMW, thanks for keeping me grounded (as usual). My kids choose to go to others houses to do the things you describe, always have. Sunday tea was pretty pitiful last night. There was just D12 and I b/c S15 didn't bother to come home like I asked him and D17 wasn't home from her BFs until late last night. I just feel like I have fought so hard to keep my family together and have achieved the complete opposite.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Could it be that they are dealing with your husband's abandoment by being in the house as little as possible, like keeping and staying away from the pain that knowing your husband and their father has choosen this for everyone?
Stay strong and try not to take as if it's your fault, the only thing you have control of is YOU. If your ws wants to act the fool let him, he will trip and fall into his mistake, and while he twisting in the wind, your kids will know who was there for them in the long one, and who was there with the wallet open and buying their love.
and who was there with the wallet open and buying their love
He doesn't even do this! He always tells them he can't afford it and then we hear a few days later that he and OW have bought something else they could do without or they have booked yet another holiday.
I've been shopping with D17 today. I should've been studying really but this is the second time recently that she has asked me to shopping with her so I didn't think I could turn her down twice. We had a nice time.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Hi Allison .... thanks for posting on my thread. My email is EDITED - email addresses are NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the Divorcebusting.com: Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.
(seems the bb has taken away the PM application). I hope we can keep in contact. I just caught up with your sitch, and I can so identify with you in one way, and that is 'the emptying of the nest'. Two of my children have left home, and have started their own little families, and I was sooooooo not ready for it (I wonder if we ever really are), especially since they live far away. Still two at home, and one is itching to leave and venture out on his own. It can't be easy when you are on your own. I know how lonely it is when my H is away during the week ... I can only imagine how you must feel with that all the time.
No advice, I'm afraid, since I am still fighting that battle within myself. I can just validate how you are feeling, and hope there is a solution for you soon. Take care.
Last edited by sgctxok; 04/22/0812:40 AM.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thank you for your validation BM. I suppose I have a while until the youngest is ready to leave but we all know how fast time flies when you have kids. I've just finished looking through some photos as my mum wanted me to scan and print some for her for a card she wants to make D17 for her birthday. For the first time it felt good to look through them and remember when we were a happy family.
I emailed you.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I have had a clearing out day, cried quite a few times, all the hard work we put into things as a couple, H was never one to go through the boxes or sort stuff out.
Today I was going through the files of the business we set up together. It wasn't the actual pieces of paper and what was written on them that upset me, it was the behind the scene memories, how we fought against all the odds to build a business, and for what............ to end up fighting over it. It all seems so barmy, today I asked myself what went wrong, I just don't know. I think i just became to good at what I do, and H got demoted, I think that is it basically.
I no longer feel an unhealthy attachment but it doesn't mean I'm hard.
