i'm clueless....

[Dom R]

Hey Ann,

sounds like you are having some good things.. hang on to those

I have a positive suggestion for you...

I kinda wish H would spend even half the time he does playing video games with me and the girls, but we are just in different places right now.

First, a "dont":
Dont tell him "you need to spend more time with the girls".
That is about as insulting and hurtful to him, as when he told you that YOU need to "do more as a mom". (maybe he was even attempting to make a point by saying that)

Instead...
How about just telling him (more), that YOU miss him. And that you wished he would spend more time with YOU, instead of so much video games?

I am trying to get H to spend more time with D3. She is going through a stage where she thinks that anytime you get upset with her that you don't love her. I've adapted by trying to explain more and reassure her, but H doesn't seem to notice, so I'm trying to get them to spend more quality time together, so he can get to know her a little better and see how fragile her little heart is.

hmm. and now a different issue:
You may need to just let that go. you've got too much on your hands already.
"You can only control yourself".

You can encourage your daughter to go talk to daddy and ask him "come play, daddy?" But if he still chooses not to play... unfortunately, it is his choice.

My gut says, that you get to choose between EITHER attempting to create a better relationship between her and him, OR a better relationship between you and him.

If you try to push the "Her and him", you'll probably fail anyway, but your efforts will make your relationship with him worse.

So I suggest more just putting your efforts into "you and her", plus "you and him", and letting go of the "her and him" more.