In the past, I have overheard conversations where she has told others that she would make up facts, because my memory is not great, to either end or win arguments. I've watched her do it with others. At MC intensive, we discussed this as an issue interferring with me trusting her. Confronted it directly. It was bad enough that for awhile, I thought I was going nuts so I started carrying a little recorder in my pocket so I could review what was said later. I learned a lot about how I was being treated by hearing it 'second hand'. In some ways, this is how we jumped from a troubled marriage to one on the edge of D. Until I did this, I resisted my IC suggestion of what was going on. I guess he noticed some of the signs. At this point, the W's most common response is "you do it too, everyone does it".
Since then, I have occasionally thought she was doing this in less easily verified things where she was either twisting things, making things up, or just plain lying. In last MC session, she committed to changing that. The biggest issue is that unlike with some people, I can only tell when she is doing this when she seems to want me to pick it up. I guess to me, this was a 'verifiable' test. Now I'm left with an even bigger trust gap.
I guess I made an issue of this, because I feel like if I can't trust her on something so simple, how can I trust her with more important stuff? For me, trust is a big issue in the M. Mostly, I don't sense that my W is trustworthy.
H - 47 W - 44 M - 18+ years Separated? - 4/07 S - 13 S - 15
