Hi GD, the changes I am working on are to control my actions more, I am in counseling now and have been for about the last 3 months. I was put on an anxiety medication which has really helped. I was always one that had a short temper, I seemed to never be happy no matter what I was doing. I am a very competitive person and I feel that hurts me alot in my everyday life as I always strive to win at whatever I do. It's funny I mention that because just yesterday again while talking to my wife she made that comment again, "this is a game to you for you to win by trying to get back home." Although I am very competitive and I want to go back home, this is not the case, this is my life I'm dealing with but I can't make W see that, she only wants to believe this is just a game. I guess she does have her reasons as I have told her in the past that I would change only to go back to being an A_ _. I really am working hard on trying to be more positive, all I ever saw in our M before was the negative and I wasn't shy about telling her about them. I brought her down to my level you could say which is why I am in the situation I am in today. She feels with all of this negative that we had in our M that she was the one that changed and she lost herself in doing so. She didn't like the fact I was always on the computer at home and never spent time talking to her. I can see her point on that now. We did not have much communication other than about the kids. We stopped communicating a while back. W has made the comment that we have better talks now then we did when we were together. Of course I tried to tell her that it would be that way if we were to R but again she didn't want to hear that.
So to make a long story short, I am working on becoming more at ease with myself and others, not to worry about every little thing. Start seeing more positives and less negatives. More communications skills. Better control of my temper and anger.
Like you stated in one of your above posts, I was insecure about myself and I was always afraid someone would come along and sweep my W off her feet and for that reason instead of being a better person to her, I became more in control and negative. Who knew it would be pushing my wife away instead of someone taking her from me.
