Another vote for stay away, far, far away from this potential relationship. I can't see any good coming from it.
Sure being desired by another person is a real lift to our self esteem. But this is with someone you're wife is close to and no good can come of it. At some point there's a good chance the "look what I stole from you" attitude is going to rear it's ugly head. Then it's a nasty little fiasco. Can anyone say cat fight?
Last edited by catfan; 03/24/0807:32 PM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Fish- When you though it was busted, I thought you rushed to judgment. Now you think it is certain. I think you may have rushed to judgment again.
Agreed. I lurk reading fish's stuff and he jumps the gun way too fast, way too often.
And now he's gonna date her friend.
That's showing your daughter the meaning of the word committment.
In my opinion, which I grant you was not solicited, you need to step your ass back up on the curb, fish. And listen more than you speak. That's just for starters.
I have been very careful to declare my Divorce busted for similar reason Fish. Believe me, it has been much more difficult to keep things going now than ever before. There is an underlying tension in these situations that is painfully obvious yet neither of us want to address...
If I am you, I do not leave the house again. Additionally, you need to establish very clear boundries if either of you want this to work. Finally, me thinks that you need some 3rd party assistance for your entire family. You and W need to stop spending money on life and start spending on some counseling for your family!
This too shall pass, it may pass as a D or it may not, but decisions made in anger will come back to haunt you!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
I have been very careful to declare my Divorce busted for similar reason Fish. Believe me, it has been much more difficult to keep things going now than ever before. There is an underlying tension in these situations that is painfully obvious yet neither of us want to address...
If I am you, I do not leave the house again. Additionally, you need to establish very clear boundries if either of you want this to work. Finally, me thinks that you need some 3rd party assistance for your entire family. You and W need to stop spending money on life and start spending on some counseling for your family!
This too shall pass, it may pass as a D or it may not, but decisions made in anger will come back to haunt you!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
I predict that this will blow over. In the cold light of day, 7 years is an investment of time that neither of you will want to ignore.
The only mistake that can be made is for you to go out with W's friend out of spite.
Sure, there may be chemistry with W's friend. Big deal. I have chemistry with a couple of women here at work...I could date them, or even have a relationship, but I don't take it past harmless flirting. Why? Because I won't until I am 100% sure my wife wants nothing to do with me or a future together. I cheated on my wife 12 years ago...dating someone would only show her "once a cheater, always a cheater". She needs to know I am a safe bet to come home to. Even if she is acting flaky right now.
Fish, you need to cowboy up and not give up so easily. You should especially not give up your hard-earned turf, ie: YOUR HOUSE.
Go back, apologize for flying off the handle, say you're still adjusting after 6 months, and you and her need to slow down and take it easy. You can't storm out the door every time you have a disagreement! Take the high road and be the better person...at least for now.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Fish, stay strong and don't go on that date. If you've always had "chemistry" then it will still be there in a year, don't rush into it unless you want drama because that's what you'll get.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
MM is brilliant!!!! Great advice my friend. Fish, get your arse back home, tail between your legs and reclaim some of this ground. Do you know if OM's visit was malignant? While it may have been in poor taste, unless you know that it was out of bounds you have no room to walk on the issue if you have not established boundries.
You and I have communicated a lot over the months and one thing that I see in you is one whom often makes decisions without information. This is not meant to be a slight but you make these broad statements based on a feeling rather than information. We all understand that this board is for venting and is a safe place so do it here not home. But, you can not give back now!!!!
The only other add that I have here is that if you are that redicent to jump into another relationship, then I would re-evaluate what you are fighting for...
No need to answer this question but I will ask it nonetheless:
Do you need to be married to your WIFE or do you need to be in a relationship? Making comments like you have made suggest that you have limited self-esteem and that your ego is tied to a relationship. Me thinks we are never successful in love when our personal ego is tied to our relationship. Me thinks we are successful when our relationship accents our ego. It's the ambiance in our life, not the picture itself.
Update us buddy!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
Well things have calmed down at the Fish command center. W and I have agreed to take a time out. She claims that the OM is like a brother and she has no interest in a romantic relationship with him.
I said ... whatever. Bringing some dude around our kid is just wrong.
Right now, I am crashing with a friend and having a great time. I have really learned how to detach very quickly.
As far as the other part of the story... Not sure, just friends right now.
This piecing sh*t is really hard. Once the doubts kick-in, things get nuts.
W said that the "New and improved fish is a bit scary." She has noticed that a lot of women have started making their move and it is making her VERY uncomfortable.
She also said she is very concerned about my new Soprano type friends, my wine drinking and my cigar smoking.
"As far as the other part of the story...Not sure, just friends right now" WTH does that mean? So today you are friends but tomorrow who knows? Are you really going to ignore all the advice here and have dinner with her anyway? Do you want your M or just the opportunity to ram it in your W's face? Think, think, think...then cancel your dinner engagement. Btw, FYI when you leave your home and "crash" at a friends, you are legally abandoning your family and leaving yourself open to all kinds of legal sh!t that can have huge ramifications on your rights to your child. Think about it, fish. So many H's on this board have left their home due to wanting to give W space or because they are hurting, it's not a wise move EVER without a SA. So either choose to DB or get a SA, think about your sitch rather than just feel about it. Lastly, your remarks "I have really learned how to detach very quickly" are complete BS, everybody here is telling you that you are too quick to make extreme judgements on your sitch, I think this is another example. It's OK to be somewhere in the middle sometimes, try it!
Fish-man, When you first came, I think I preached patience, and stillness, and told you this was going to take a long time. You wanted things to happen fast, well, you are not alone there! When you claimed busted, well, I was pretty sure that was a mirage, it was too soon, way too soon. Step back, get back to a beginners mind. And get ready for the long haul. The one you though you could bypass. And get that dating idea far out of your head!
