Well the rollercoaster just pulled into the station. After returning home for 2 weeks, my W and I are getting divorced. I wish all you of you much better luck that I have had with this impossible situation.
* The 1st few days home were great, second honeymoon stuff. * Things were up and down with daughter, she was confused. * W has a party and thing get real rocky. Lots of negative sh*t was said about a guy that she was dating. This made things incredibly challenging for us. * W plans trip for us to the Caribbean for the 1st week of April * Week #2 - W starts doubting the marriage our relationship, our life together - everything! Uggggh * I discover W is talking to the guy that she was dating while we were separated. * Friday afternoon - W and I go out to lunch, get bombed and get into a huge fight. I have no idea what we were arguing about. * Sat - W needs a time out, I head to a friends house. * This morning - I head home to see W and daughter for Easter. The guy she was dating was there!! WOW!!! * I leave house and head back to my friends place. Going to his mom's for Easter.
So that's the end of this miserable story. I look forward to moving on with my life.
Little does my W know, but one of her best friends and I have been talking about this sitch on the side for the past week and we are going out to dinner on Weds night. There has always been chemistry between us and now we are in a position to get to know each other better.
fish----I hope you decide against going to dinner with one of her best friends....I totally understand your feelings..and understand she dseserves it......however u will be just like her if you go down this path..anyone can hookup with someone new to feel better.....i think this is a big mistake...it will get her back for all she has done to you....yep it will...but after you go down this path....you will look back with regret....if if doenst work out with u and your wife you would know u did everything...including letting yourself heal properly before moving on to someone else..moving on does not mean with someone else....its all just sad that is true...spare yourslef this drama and start to heal...alone....
Fish, there are ups and downs to dealing with all of this stuff.
What did you say to wife when you saw OM there?
As far as her best friend goes, DO NOT DO IT.
Right now your daughter can look back when she gets older and see all of the things you tried to do to save your family. If you take this action prior to your divorce, that all goes straight to hell and now your daughter has reason to hate you as well, is that what you want?
What you do with your marital situation is up to you, we all have our limits and boundaries. Her having OM around your D is just wrong. She should not put your D in that position as it will confuse her. I completely understand that we have limits and once they are crossed, you may have to end your marriage. Just make sure you are truly wanting to do that and not simply acting on your anger.
Quote:
* Friday afternoon - W and I go out to lunch, get bombed and get into a huge fight. I have no idea what we were arguing about.
Bad idea getting bombed, and even worse that you dont know what you were fighting about.
Look Fish, anger has a way of controlling us and not making us think very clearly. What were you doing before she let you come home? Did you continue those things once you got home or go back to business as usual? The question is, why in week #2 did she start questioning?
Just do some thinking and do not react off the cuff. Your marriage may be over, but it will not kill you to not think about that for a day or two and get your thoughts together.
Fish I normally do not post to you but here Two Wrongs do not make a right. This is from someone who has double wronged many times and never turned right as a result.
Do a motive check. Why are you doing this? You are setting yourself up for future mistakes/dissapointment. I know it's a blow most of us have been smacked like this on this bb and well know the pain.
If you want lasting success you work on becoming the best fish whom sharks fear to tread and become the wise kindest fish whom guppies seek advice. That takes a lot of time and pain.
But jumping in a relationship to avoid the hard work of 'What did I do wrong, where do I need to go, and how am I going to get there' is doomed to repeat and a month, 6 months, 6 years you will be back floundering in the back of the same boat you are now. Sorry you are there.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
In these situations, we are all full of life cliches and DB cliches. They are cliches because they are tried, tested and true.
Regroup, take some time away, and let both you and W cool off.
You haven't tried everything, and neither has she. Slow down.
Give me a shout, we need to talk.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Ditto, fish. You and W got back together too early, it was too much too soon. Now, regroup and look at what you would do differently. Lastly, stay away from the booze, especially around your W! It always, and I mean ALWAYS, makes things worse. W also needs time and space to deal with the OM issue, you have to back off and let her do so. Why do people think roller coasters are fun rides? Beats me! Hang in there fish, it's not over till it's over and that's still a long ways off in this sitch.
I'm not a success story, but during my piecing yr there were many times when we argued and things looked hopeless, when we need time to think thigns through. Well, finding om is a big thing, BUT, dont' give up just yet and don't fix your current broken R with a new exciting R which is nothing but a rebound at this point and unfair to that person, I wouldnt' want to be involved with a man who thought a few weeks ago his W and him were doing great, I'd feel used, dont' do it.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Oh yes, stay away from W's friend. I don't know which is worse for you the booze or W's friend, so stay away from both! You're hurting right now and you want to feel desired, I do know that feeling. Trust me and re-think Wednesday's dinner, it can only lead to trouble. Lastly, what kind of woman would want to scoop up a best friends hubby when the M isn't even cold? Think about what she could do to you...oooh, it could be nasty! Now, the other side is that she may have absolutely no feelings of "chemistry" here, or any intention of doing anything but soothing your hurt feelings. Again, don't do it, it can lead to feelings in you that you are in no place to guage or act on. It's a no win sitch, Fish. SO DON'T DO IT!
