Yes, I am finally feeling better. I was beginning to think I would never get over that.
I have been at work today since 3:30 am!...which means I got up at 2:30 am....and it is now 12:30. I had to come in for a project and I was planning on being home now but I am having to hang around for a meeting that keeps getting pushed back. It was originally at 10:30, then 12:30 and now 2:00...if it changes one more time i am going to scream.
I do think he is capable of giving more. I am just not sure he wants to. We haven't talked about the R in a while. We didn't talk about it when OW was texting...that was just mainly me getting upset...no real conversation came from it.
I do think expecations have to change as things progress. You are right, 3 months ago my attitude would have been very different after spending a weekend with him. ...It is just that it was boring. I found myself wanting to leave rather than craving more time with him. I found myself thinking "is this it???". I wonder if this is how he felt when he decided he didn't love me anymore.
I need affection from him. I need HIM to initiate. I need him to call me and ask me to do things. I just need him to do some of the work too. I honestly don't think he would respond positively to anything right now. The weird thing is that I don't think he would respond negatively either. I think he is just indifferent. He would get off subject.
Honestly though...it isn't just what he is or isn't doing. My frustration right now is more about the person he has become. He is bitter, cynical, and judgmental....which are traits that are the polar opposite of me and I find it hard to even be around people like that. He is not the man I married...traits of OW have definitely rubbed off on him.
I am just wondering if I really want to keep trying. I am pretty sure that if I told him I was filing for D he would be fine with that. It would let him off the hook. He wouldn't be the bad guy. To his family and friends it would be me that filed..and so once again he would be the victim.
