To tell you the truth, even though drawing the line with my W has made me feel bad about not being able to see her as much I feel relieved that she knows how I feel.
I don't exactly feel like I haven't stuck up for my boundaries. Whenever I find something out about OM that W is aware of I've let her know it disappoints me. We've had a sort of 'don't ask, don't tell' policy in place when it comes to OM, so as far as she knows I didn't nearly know the extent of their R. That's why I didn't have to worry so much about boundaries, she didn't know I knew as much as I did. I was letting my personal boundaries get walked all over, but that's something only I was privvy to. Now W knows that by continuing with OM she is crossing a line in our R.
When she finally told me me something about it on Saturday I got my chance to let her know how it made me feel. Before then I would have had to say something like "listen, I know you're still seeing OM and haven't been telling me about it..." I would have had to admit to snooping around by looking at the phone bill and seeing they still talked all the time. Had I initiated this next phase of our R by saying something like that I think the chances for success would have been diminished. I think the circumstances I had after she admitted to seeing OM were much more ideal to have that conversation.
Unfortunately, I still feel crappy about it. To each their own on the anti-depressants. I think they can do great things to help, but I have my reservations about taking them myself. I'd like to let my feelings run their course naturally. It prolongs some of the hurt and sadness I feel but I need it to make me stronger.
I appreciate your support through this, it's defnitely a bumpy ride.
