OK, I can't say much about what it would mean when he turns you down. Let me see, I've done that.....well, the next time, and one more, would be two.
So, you may be in a bit of a stalemate, he is afraid you'll say no, and you are afraid he'll say no! Maybe you can try to initiate but not to the point where you are "fully committed"? Make it clear that if he was to initiate, you would accept? I don't know, that might be tricky, but maybe that way you could feel less rejected.
and yes, definitely make sure you are at a point where you won't let a rejection bother you. or at least you can not let him see that it bothered you.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I woke up this morning sad, mad and fed up with h. Nothing happened in particular to upset me, but I'm just tired of how things are.
He probably knows that he can take all of the time he needs because I'm here waiting. In the meantime, look!, he doesn't need to worry about the bills, cleaning up the house, doing grocery shopping, finishing any tasks that he said he would do. He can continue to spend time here, mainly watching tv (OK, to be fair, helping with the kids) and then go back to sleep at his $1200 per month "condo".
I had a thought yesterday: We lived together for 3 years before getting married. Ten years after getting married, we're married but living apart. How screwed up is that?
I know this doesn't matter now, but I have read that the % of divorce increases when people live together before M.
isn't that ironic, when people think that they should live together to see if it would work before getting M.
I know you have so many reasons to be bitter and angry. But us LBS' are the ones who are thinking rationally. If your goal is to save the M, then WE are the ones who have to humble ourselves in order to achieve our goal. Cause they won't be the ones doing it. unfortunately.
sorry your having some emotional distress this morning. it will pass. try to think of all the positive things he's doing. and encourage those things he IS doing right.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I know this doesn't matter now, but I have read that the % of divorce increases when people live together before M.
isn't that ironic, when people think that they should live together to see if it would work before getting M.
ST- Was that supposed to be helpful? You can bend statistics any way you want to prove a point.
We're back from another "family" weekend to my parents' house. How'd it go, you ask? OK, but I'm finding it hard to adjust back to my "real life" of h leaving to go to his own place when he feels like it.
I'm tired of it all and I just want things to be different.
I'm tired of it all and I just want things to be different.
Sounds like we have a bit of the same anxiety...grrr...maybe we should just try to not think about it...either that or we need to come up with some 180's...got any ideas?
I know you want things to be different. I do too, but they aren't. So, given that what helps you cope with the "real life"?
I did some walking yesterday (about 6 miles) and some weightlifting. Geez, you think I'd be in great shape by now, but I've still got a ways to go before I'll be satisfied.
I'd be intersted in any 180's you come up with. I don't tend to think in terms of 180's too much. I do meditate on who I am vs who I want to be and a workable plan to get there. It's tough, but it does keep me occupied.
180s, hmmm... I will have to think about that for awhile. It really bothers me when we spend a few good days together and then boom! he backs off. We were together all weekend, from Thurs night to last night and now I haven't heard from him all day.
What helps me cope with the "real life"? Staying busy, I guess, but not too busy that I feel like I'm going to lose it. Getting my rest. I think it may be a good time to re-evaluate my goals and set some new ones. That usually helps me to focus.
