I spent some time with H this weekend. We went out Friday and Saturday night. I ended up staying at his place Saturday night and then hung out at his place for a while Sunday.
I am just frustrated at the moment. I think H just doesn't want to be divorced...and that is it...it sounds bad to him. I don't want to be with somebody who just merely doesn't want to be divorced. I need him to WANT me and to want to be with me. Maybe that is where patience comes in...but I am just beginning to feel that he will never get there. I feel like he will never have that passion for me that he once had.
I am tired of walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of feeling like we are playing games. I am just tired. I want to be able to come home to someone at the end of the day who is happy to see me. I want spending time with him to be relaxing not stressful.
I just feel like I deserve more than this. I don't believe in divorce...but I also don't think it is fair for me to remail in a loveless marriage just because I am stubborn.
He is bitter and judgemental and just not real fun to be around. Lately he has made it very clear that he doesn't want to have kids...this was NEVER the case before. I was the one that wanted to wait and if it had been completely up to him we probably would have already had one. Now it is like he hates kids. I don't understand that. He is clearly a different person and even though things are better between us I wouldn't have married (probably wouldn't have even dated) the person he is today. I just wonder at what point do I decide I deserve more.
Anyway, just venting and feeling a little down today.
