Karen, I agree with everyone, stop the emails. Only answer the ones that deal with the kids' needs and schedules. Didn't you say your H is a lawyer? I could so see him trying to use those emails against you! Be sure to keep a record of everything he sends you just in case, he does try to manipulate you with the emails. Make a copy of them and hide them somewhere. Don't let him drag you into an argument. He doesn't live there anymore, you do not have to put up with his "drama" !
Mcjoh won't steer you wrong, he's a great guy along with the rest of these wonderful people on here.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I would like to stop but then he emailed me this morning that I am mentally ill and discussing him/I guess his girlfriend with the kids or something. I had the one discussion with them on my therapist's advice, and he emailed that I need to take medication and I am mentally ill and need to talk to my therapist. I said I would, but she recommended the one conversation that I did have (telling them that most married people don't have girlfriends) so I doubt she will have a problem with that.
I think he has gone insane or something he is so paranoid. I told him to talk with my D14 and confirm that I don't discuss them. Should I just ignore all his ranting and crazy emails? He probably is going to try to say that I did all this stuff in court & is preparing this against me even though I never discuss them of course it is impossible to prove that I guess.
What a gem you've got there. He's moved out of the house and in with OW and hasn't manned up to talking to his kids.....but you're mentally ill? Helloooo....earth to Karen's husband. I guess this is a good case of book smart doesn't equal common sense, huh? I'm assuming that if your H is a lawyer, that he is book smart.
I wouldn't respond to his emails with that subject. It's hard not to get caught up in that, but I agree that he'd probably use it against you.
How was your Easter? Good I hope.
Have a good day.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I would simply tell your husband that he doesn't get to dictate to you how you communicate with your children, and that you will NEVER lie to them -- EVER -- but will always tell them the truth, in an age-appropriate way.
This is good. Send him this everytime he sends you an email. When he gets the same response over and over he will figure out that you are not saying anything more on the topic. Your health is your personal business. Don't discuss it anymore.
Now he is emailing me that he will be telling them stuff he wants them to understand about normal parents and stuff. I think he thinks he is normal having an affair when he is married which is funny/weird. I am afraid he is going to tell them it is acceptable for him to have an affair because of whatever reasons.
I know he was upset from what my sil emailed me that the kids had no reaction or upset when he moved out, and continue not to care much about him. I think he is thinking I am telling them stuff to get them to feel that way about him, but I've said nothing; they just feel distant I think b/c he was spending all his time with the OW and texting her when he was home or out on the porch by himself a lot. I guess he can't face that he distanced himself from the kids, so he is trying to find a reason even if he has to make one up!!!
You are probably right. He probably does think that you've said inappropriate things to them. If you are the type of person I think you are, you would not say something that would put them against their father. The talk you did have with them was right, in my opinion. You didn't bash him saying he was evil or a rat ba$tard (like what possibly crossed your mind). You were honest with them about right & wrong and they'll respect you for that. Your kids are old enough to understand that he's pushing them away not you. Old enough to understand that mom isn't crazy....and if she is slightly crazed these days....it's from all the crap dad's doing. He's the one that's making his relationship with them weaker....and in a way, making yours with them stronger. And too bad if your kids aren't as devestated by this as he thought they should/would be. It's his fault. Sweetie, he's definately trying to put all his wrongs on your shoulders. Trust me, I know, my H is an expert at that.
He's not thinking in the right frame of mind. My question is how would he feel if the love of his daughter's life did that to her? Probably not very good.
Have a good day.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Sweetie, he's definately trying to put all his wrongs on your shoulders. Trust me, I know, my H is an expert at that.
He's not thinking in the right frame of mind. My question is how would he feel if the love of his daughter's life did that to her? Probably not very good.
Have a good day.
SueS
Thanks, Sue! Yes he has always blamed me for everything, so I guess it was natural for him to blame me now that he realizes his kids are more distant. He just apologized via email that he was wrong, etc. But I had 30 nasty emails before that one of course.
That was exactly what I was thinking about when I had that one brief talk with the kids, is that I would not want my D8 to ever be in the position I have been and so I had that talk on my therapist's suggestion.
H seems to have finally calmed down now after being upset since yesterday over my talk with the kids! He thinks that his reaction is normal, but I think he way overreacted to that. It was only a one-minute talk. And then he threatened to trash-talk about me to the kids today! I emailed him that would just hurt them, not me because they would still love me anyway. And that's why I told him I don't trash talk about him! I think lawyers think much differently than non-lawyers, I guess!! Karen
I'm glad you stopped replying to his absurd e-mails. I do not understand such insane behavior on his part! And did I get this right - he apologized for the e-mails, but then later went back to his craziness saying he was going to trash talk you to the kids? Yikes.
You are doing FAR better than I would, my dear. HUGE pat on the back!
(((Keep strong and remain the better parent.)))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Karen