All I can hold on to is myself, kids and this site

[LL44]

the person who care the least is in control of the relationship.

So true and unfair. Yes, we have the control to end things if we wanted, but that's not we want.

Beauty, take care and give us an update soon!

[BEAUTYandWAH]

yrrn18,
I am glad you found this site. It has been great support for me. There are so many people are just wonderful. Take your time and read others experience. I will stop by your thread later. Hung in there!


girlfromipanema,
Thank you for reading my thread and stopping by. It is very strong words you just said. It is a big support for me to hear that I am good mom.. I love them so much. Please stop by again and tell me about you!

Joie and LWB~

The dinner went well! He sat with me the whole time. We had good talk and everything. He told me I looked great. So, I think over all it was a great moment. At end of the night, we had small argument. I had already plan to go to my friends' party after the dinner (from 10pm to whenever..) but my H also had plan to leave for hunting around 6am. He didn't want to talk about how we can work things out so both of us could go for the plans. I think he was not happy that I was going out and not him.

After all, I had great time with my friends. I am very happy to have party friends They are professionals who have really good degrees and jobs but don't forget to have good time.

Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

I have to write something about today... I think its wired..

My H had kids from yesterday night and he called this morning saying that he needs to go to apply job and it has to be NOW. I was at work and had flexible time but I didn't feel like go at the time, so "well... can you wait for a while?". As usual, when things don't go as he wanted, he gets mad. I led him mad for a while and offered him that I could do it the next one hour but that was only time.

When I went to his place, he was grumpy and still arguing about things don't go the way he wants. And he went to his bedroom and crying... (WTF????... it is wired... ) After a conversation, we came to mutual agreement and the problem was solved.

A few hours later, he told me that he mostlikly has the job. We both became in the good mode and were even joking around. And I told him, "I have to go back to work but can you do my laundry..? I got tons and I will give you money??" It was a joke but he said he would do it because he wants money. So, well... if he says so (but I didn't think he would do it)

End of the day, I called him about the kids and asked him where they were, and he said "I'm home".. so I asked "yours?" he said "no. yours"... ".... okay.. umm. I will be home soon"

When I got home, he did a little cleaning and did the laundry for me and said "I am doing for free, I don't want money haha".

Again.. wired.. ex-husband to be is doing my laundry..

Around the dinner time, I told him that he should stay for the dinner because he helped me out. He said that he will go to gym for about one hour and "I will be home after that".. and he did come on time. again,.. wired..

Had good dinner, watched movie with kids and lots of laughing.. and he said good night to kids and was about to leave. He came to me and gave me a hug and said "the dinner was great, thank you".....again wired..

After the hug, we talked for a little while about my job (I told him that I would need to go back to grad school one day if I want more from current position) and he listened the whole time and looked at my eyes, said "I am 100% with you if you want to go school. I know that's what you want"

Wired.. he has not been a listner for a long time and he listened to me.

He has been very nice (it is only half day)and I think it is just wired.

Oh.. the last thing, he said I should get a dog and he will take care of it together. "are you going to be responsible 50%? like financially, walk, doctor appointments and many other things.. of course after you get a job" and he said yes.

BUT he has no show that he misses me or wants to be with me. So just wired...

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Hi everyone..
Today, I had a melt down.. I became sooo lonely and felt silly to miss him while I was at his place to drop kids off. (just came through my mind and couldn't get it off!) Start having anxiety and H noticed something was wrong. At first, I told him 'its nothing' but a while later, I told him my feeling.

He told me he didn't know I was lonely because I involve in many things and busy with independent life. We had a long conversation about our situation. We didn't have talk about the future... but we both shared the feelings such as 'miss you', 'care about you', 'not sure about future', 'often think about the past'...

We both took time to talk and respected each other. So, it was a good conversation like good friends. At one point, he said "you are talking to me like one of your girlfriends!"

Outcome.. feeling much better.. I was not sure if I should tell him my feeling but it was okay. it was okay..

Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Something to add from yesterday's post..

H told me that he had struggled and blamed on 'having kids at young age', 'feeling like losing own life for kids', and 'wants to stay young'. He says he feels different now. He accepts the fact that he has kids and needs to be a responsible parent. BUT then, he does not want the 'married man responsibilities'.

I think it is a baby step for him. He has little better realistic view of his life at this point. I have no idea how things going with OW but I know they are in contact.

Today, we had easter event at in-laws. had baskets for kids and had dinner and we had good time. We sat next to each other and he served my food before he got his. So, I felt respected Good dinner, lots of chocolate, lots of smiles and talk..

Beauty

[JoieDeVivre]

Beauty,
Sometimes I get confused with DB on what you should talk or not talk about with a WAS! They say to avoid R talks, but how can you R if you don't talk? I guess if you're a LBS and you force R talks, that's pursuing, but if they happen "naturally" between a LBS and a WAS, then it's ok. Overall, it sounded like you had a positive talk with your H. I agree it sounds like good baby steps for him.

So many of us can understand how we lose ourselves in our kids/family. So many of us realize too late that we also need to take time for ourselves and our spouses! Have you had any 1-on-1 time with your H since this started? I wonder if the two of you could go out and just have fun for a night. Or stay in and have a nice dinner and fun at home? He can be married, have kids and have fun, too!

Joie

[girlfromipanema]

Hi Beauty,

Been thinking of you. I'm glad you felt respected on Easter. Hope you're doing well. Don't forget how amazing you are!