I have ordered the KLA tapes, I ride about 45 minutes to work everyday and 45 mins home so I will be able to listen to them this week probably in the car.
I am starting to think that he will HAVE to "reel me in" in order for this to work out between us becuase I will need to see in a way that he wants this relationship to work out no matter what it takes. I need to know that he DESIRES it and really wants to be with me.
"Doing more of the same":I plan on staying distant, acting as if,GAL, and creating mystery as usual. These things worked the last time to make him reconcider, so I will keep at them. I was tempted today to text him a Happy Easter, but I resisted. He didnt text me either.
I am not sure what to do about my H's birthday coming soon: -do I text him Happy Birthday, (and thats it)? -or do I send him a very short non-mushy friendly card that says it. -or nothing at all, (which I would just feel really rude doing).
Last year I had a b-day after he first left me and he just text me happy birthday. So I presume that is what I should do for his. -any thoughts? TIPPER
I have ordered the KLA tapes, I ride about 45 minutes to work everyday and 45 mins home so I will be able to listen to them this week probably in the car.
Great decision! Drive safety and DB!
[quote]I am starting to think that he will HAVE to "reel me in" in order for this to work out between us becuase I will need to see in a way that he wants this relationship to work out no matter what it takes. I need to know that he DESIRES it and really wants to be with me.
Now, you're on track. You need his full commitment. When you pursued, nagged, and demanded, it sent him right out the door. This time, do something different. Keep up the GAL/180s even when he shows interest. Also, I would raise the bar before he moves back in. He needs to realize how life would be without you. If you re-unite, do not throw away your hard work. Continue the GAL/180s; and later, you can tweak it. Break the cycle. As for now: Play hard to get!
You are not manipulative. Lead him to realization - that you are the most important person in his life!
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I plan on staying distant, acting as if, GAL, and creating mystery as usual. These things worked the last time to make him reconcider, so I will keep at them.
Grrreat plan. Michele says, if it works, keep the changes going!
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I was tempted today to text him a Happy Easter, but I resisted. He didnt text me either.
High five! Don't give in. Keep your eye on the prize.
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I am not sure what to do about my H's birthday coming soon: -do I text him Happy Birthday, (and thats it)? -or do I send him a very short non-mushy friendly card that says it. -or nothing at all, (which I would just feel really rude doing).
Last year I had a b-day after he first left me and he just text me happy birthday. So I presume that is what I should do for his. -any thoughts? TIPPER
Yes, I would text a short, "Happy Birthday" message without any smileys.
well my H came by today to finish the floors and to take dog to the groomers while I was at work. I was surprised he actually followed through.
He obviously doesnt want to see me though because he text me the night before to make sure I was working the next day.
He left me a longer-than-usual note saying he took a few DVD's from the house and doesnt want me to be upset about it (which I am not).He said the dog was great at the groomers. Then he said he needs any money I could pitch in towards the cell phone bill & that he added unlimeted texting to my phone.
I text him back thanks,floors look great. Dvd's are fine, and dog looks good. I also said I would leave him a check for the phone bill.
He text back and said: "thank you, and I am glad you like the floors".
-I dont understand him: He is being very nice and even upped my cell phone package when about two months ago he was telling me that I needed to split the cell plan and get my own (that never happened). I just told him I would give him $ towards our plan until the contract is up.
The phone bill is/was the only thing he still pays on behalf of me, I pay all the rest of my own bills. This is the first time since dec. that he has asked me for money for the phone bill. He must be really low on funds again- what a pattern. And his work is slow. This is most likely why he is being so nice. TIPPER
First off, today is the one year mark of when my H first left me.It is so sad.
Secondly and more important, is that he drunk text me again last night when the bars closed at 2:15 he asked: "are you still up". He knows I get up at 5 am for work, of course I am not up.
Then like 20 min. later he text me again: "I think we are due for a chat, I need to enlighten you, it will be worth it even if we dont agree".
I havent responded to these, and the way I feel is that he was just drunk again. He knows how and where to find me, and texting me on a work night 3 hrs before I have to get up is just rude. I havent responded.
I dont know how to respond if he texts me again today. I feel like I should play hard to get but I am afraid of pushing him away. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, TIPPER
I wouldnt' answer to any drunk texts. If he txts you again today while sober that's another story.
Stop being afraid to stand your ground.
PS: I told H to stop calling me after midnight (he actually never calls me to chat, it was about D paperwork). Put up some boundaries, don't be afraid, he is not a timid little bird you might scared away if you do "the wrong" thing, he's a grown man.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat, I never even hear the drunk texts because I sleep like a rock. I just am amazed when I wake up and see them.
He text me back today, sorry about last night.
I still havent responded to anything. Everytime I've responded in the past, I am really kind. Except the last time he left (that was the one time I put my foot down) and now he is gone again.
I am afraid that I will never hear or talk to him again if I say something about the drunk texting. That seems to be the only time he calls me anymore. So instead I have just ignored it.
He seemed to be telling me last night that he wanted to see me & talk about us. But now today while he was sober he text and there was no mention of wanting to talk about us. So I will just ignore it. Sometimes I like to see that he is constantly thinking about me even though he is out partying hard everynight, I often get into his head when he is out and then he texts me-that is good to know he is at least still thinking about me.
I feel like he knows how to get a hold of me if he wants too really talk. I am sick of trying to defend myself over a txt message when he text me stupid bizarre spew that is consistantly very selfish.
I guess I am afraid to loose him as a friend if I ignore or tell him to stop. But I am out of options and I will have to face this one way or another.
I wonder if I will hear more from him tonight when he gets wasted again. Maybe then I will have had enough to put my foot down, but untill then I will just ignore him (which drives him nuts). TIPPER
Ok, I thought long and hard about what cat had said in her above post to me. I realized that I need to stop living my life in fear of him not returning. And in the mean time, I need to stand up for what is right for me.
So I decided to text my H back when I got home from work, I said: "apology accepted, but please stop calling me after midnight unless if it is urgent". I was so afraid to press send, but something told me it was the right thing for me to do.
He text me back: "o.k., and it wont happen again". I was surprised to get a somewhat kind reply from him.
I guess that I have noticed our R pattern changed this last month. Ever since I was the one that said that a reconciliation wouldnt be healthy for us if he is drinking and at the bars so much. Now he has been very nice to me and texting me way more than he used to.
Other things I have done to put my foot down were: -telling him I dont want to be involved with helping him find a place for when his lease is up. -ignoring many of his texts. -setting the boundary down today for him not to drunk text me anymore.
Things he has done to show he is still holding on to me more: -way more texting than usual, and in a much quicker time frame- before he would wait months before any first words, this time it was the day after he left. -he is being more kind than not. -he has redone my kitchen floors -he has taken the dog to the groomers - which we have never done before cuz we would bath her ourselves. -he has upped my cell phone plan to include unlimited texting. -pursueing me in his texts & being more and more kind.
I am gonna stop doing the kind-nice-angel thing with him anymore and standing up for more of what I want. I can be friendly to him still, but it will be more on my terms from now on.
I dont want to go down the same cheeseless tunnels. And I guess that is how I feel I have went through this entire last year. I would DB and try all the different methods, and he would come back, but it would not last. I think that in order for it to last, he needs to have an awakening that I am a gem that he is about to lose. So now I am gonna make him feel even more like I will not just always be around for him. I am gonna put my foot down more often, and see if it makes him keep up his kindness and pursuing of me.
I do think that he was probably shocked to see my text to him today. Unfortunately, now I will never know what it was he wanted to enlighten me about in his drunk text last night. I was kind of hoping he would tell me, as he seemed eager to then - but not anymore. Oh well!!!!!!! p.s. my KLA cd's arrived today. Yea!!! I can really use them right now. TIPPER
My H came by today while I was working to walk the dog again. He left a note that said, "Thanks for the check for the phone bill, and I borrowed a tom petty CD".
My MIL then called me this evening to check in again. She asked me if my H is still contacting me. I told her all the latest events that have happened and how I think our R pattern is changing since I have let go so much more now.
She was very kind, and she informed me that H actually came over to visit with his folks last week out of the blue. He is broke again, and asked them that if he needs to borrow money if it is o.k.-they said yes. He also asked them if he needed to move back in with them for a while if that would be o.k.-they said yes. He hasnt done either, but we all know that he is at a low point to be asking this of them.
MIL informed me that he wasnt lying about being back in the band he joined for a week in January, as one of his cousins saw him out playing at my H's favorite bar with the band. So he must have re-joined it.
I got the KLA cd's and have listened to #1 & #2. So far, I feel like it will not help me much with my MLC H. If i were in a rel. with someone that is not depressed/alcoholic and refuses to work on our M, then maybe it would be more helpful. I feel like when a S is in a MLC, there is no way to fix them or to change them, as their answers must come from within them. I already have done back flips trying to please him and nothing seems to wake him. I will keep listening as I know that it would be helpful for me with future R's that I have if this one with my H doesnt work out. TIPPER
