Re: believing is seeing. I think I'm catching on to what you mean here, that maybe I am ? too negative about the prospects? If either of you could say more on this, it would be helpful because I think this is a bit of a blind spot for me or is somewhat foggy.
I'm going to head off shortly to see her. I'll try to use my formula that helps me get grounded:
1. listen and validate her experience--doesn't mean I accept it or support it or agree with it.
2. stay somewhat neutral and avoid getting drawn into debates re: "the way something is/was".
3. avoid foot in mouth by keeping the inside voice INSIDE.
4. be calm and positive without being fake.
5. try to avoid steering things toward an ultimatum (have to watch for this as it's been lurking around inside me to do so...I think it's the anxiety of her leaving for 2 weeks and feeling like the bomb awaits upon her return).
6. PRETEND TO BE CALM, even though it feels like lots is riding on it. It's only one conversation, and like a friend told me: if it's over today or upon her return from her trip, it won't be because of one conversation or because of the trip. It will be because of her choices based on everything else along the way.
Off I go. Press PMA button now, even press FAKE PMA button now.
