No one to turn to- 2

[addie]

Well, I offered for H to stay here tonight since S has a game at the crack of dawn tomorrow that H will be taking him to. I get "I don't know, I don't want you to get your hopes up. If I do stay over, it will be on the couch." WTF??? He sleeps in our bed the last 2 nights, we had a nice couple of days together and now this. I noticed in his voice he's distant again.
Back on the rollercoaster.

[JenInVen]

Yes I agree WTF. It seems that once you asked him he backed down. I wonder what would have happened if you said nothing about staying over. Its the persuit/withdrawal crap again.

My H is like that too. If I ask him to come over he won't but will drop by out of the blue when not invited.

Jen

[addie]

H stayed over last night so that he could take S to his very early game. I suggested that he could stay on the couch if he felt uncomfortable and I went to bed. He was very distant and wouldn't look me in the eye. A couple of hours later he comes to our bed and pulls the covers up over his head. Then slept at the edge of the bed most of the night.
In the morning H took S to his game and then made breakfast for us. Afterwards we went to Easter Sunday mass together. He was distant most of the morning and very solemn at church. He left in the early afternoon and gave me a hug as S and I are going away for a few days tomorrow.
After our nice couple of days together and him pulling away, I'll go dark during our trip unless he calls me. I have been very vague about the trip. He doesn't know exactly what day we're coming back or where we're staying.

[Kalni]

I like you "vague plans" addie. You sound like you are in control. How do you feel?

K

[addie]

Well, I got a call from H a couple of hours after he left here asking if he can join S and I for Easter dinner. He had asked me earlier what we were doing but I didn't invite him over especially after he pulled away yesterday. I was upbeat on the phone and said sure.
I don't know what to think. I certainly don't want to be a doormat.

[JenInVen]

Take it for what it is Addie; Your H wants to spend time with you because he likes the changes you've made. I'm not the best person to give you advice but I think you need to stay dim with him for a while longer. It seems to work with him. I'm sure he doesn't see you as a doormat.

Jen

[W2G]

How did dinner go Addie?

I would say that your DBing is likely confusing the heck out of your H.. and the more confusion the better.. so keep up the good work!

W2G

[addie]

Hi everyone! I got back from my trip last night and had a great time with S.

A lot has happened since my last post. I will try to catch up on everyone's sitch as soon as I get a chance. Easter dinner went well - H was more like his old self (warm and friendly). I noticed that when he came over for dinner, he brought his overnight bag and ended up staying the night. I went to bed and then a while later he came to lie down next to me in bed. I initiated ML and he responded although he was emotionally distant. After ML he asked me how I was and I said that I was OK. He said he didn't want to hurt me and I replied "I know". He said he shouldn't do this again until he makes some definitive decisions and I responded that I know he's conflicted about a lot of things. The next morning he saw S and I off on our trip and gave me a hug.

I called H after we arrived to let him know that we had arrived safely (he was worried due to the terrible weather conditions) and I very excitedly told him some of the things we had done. The next day I received 2 emails from him but I only responded over 24 hours later by email and I was very upbeat. H sent me another 4 emails over the next couple of days (2 were "business" related), called my cell twice to ask me when we would be arriving and that he could pick us up. I responded only once. He picked us up yesterday evening, stayed for a while and then had to go back to work for a while to get some things he had left there. He gave me a hug before he left and we said goodnight.

An hour later he calls me from work and asks if he can come by to speak to me. I was reading in bed when he arrived. Soon afterwards, I notice he has his pyjamas on and sits on our bed talking about work. His contract will be over soon and he doesn't know what he'll be doing after that. He's decided to apply for a position in another city and doesn't know how that will affect our family. I didn't say much, mainly listened and validated from time to time. We both went to sleep, no physical touching.
This morning we got up, had breakfast and then he left - no hug, no kiss.
I really don't know what to make of all of this. I know he is still seeing OW although I sense it has died down somewhat. I think H is trying to determine what R he wants to pursue. What do I do??? I don't want to be taken advantage of (be a doormat whenever he feels like spending time with me). Do I bring this up with H? How do I set boundaries without pushing him further away?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[addie]

Anyone have any advice?

Although we have been separated for 2 1/2months, lately H has been staying over more often (sleeping in our bed) but is still seeing OW. Do I just allow him to come and go? Do I bring up my feelings with H? Do I set boundaries and risk pushing him further away?

[JenInVen]

I'll bump you up