We had a really nice day yesterday. We went out for lunch and a bit of shopping, it was a nice day here so we drove around in the convertible with the top down.
We did talk a bit at lunch but we both made an effort to not talk about the white elephant for a change.
Went back to "our" place, sat down to watch her favorite TV show, of which I had recorded 4 episodes (she has no TV at "her" place).
Watched 2 episodes, had dinner, watched another, made a big bowl of popcorn (she said "in 30 years I have never seen you make popcorn...it's always been me"...I just smiled).
She commented numerous times about how great I looked (she keeps calling me "slim"), which is a nice bonus!
Went to bed 9pm, fell right asleep, woke up at about 6am.
We have agreed (sort of) that sex is on the back burner for now, it is complicating things. I'm OK with that, as long as it's not for too too long! "Taking it slow and easy" doesn't really have sex in the equation, now, does it?
I cooked breakfast, we sat and talked a bit, and agreed that it was nice just to spend time together, with no R talk.
She pondered "I wonder if spending this time together is helping or hurting the situation?".
I said that my opinion was that as long as it was no-pressure, just hanging out, even spending the night, it's really all about just getting to know each other again. She nodded, yeah, maybe it is.
It did enter the conversation that we still may not end up together, I said that would make me very sad, but I guess we'd just have to cross that bridge if we come to it. She said, yes that would make me very sad too.
She got dressed and left, I waited with her for the elevator, when it came she gave me a hug and kiss and said "That was a really nice evening...thank you!"
I'm picking her up again in 3 hours, and we're driving to her parents' house for Easter dinner. Then I'm driving her home after.
It really is nice just hanging out with her for now. There is nothing I can personally do right now for our relationship...it is all her journey at this point. I can just be there for her if she decides to choose us.
Easter dinner was nice with the whole family. We were the first to leave, and she said as we were driving home, "would you like to spend the night?", which surprised me. What the hell, why not, I was tired and didn't feel like driving home.
We had a short R talk at 'her' place, about 20 minutes, and discussed the weekend and how it felt nice to spend time together. She told me she often feels like calling me, but doesn't, so she doesn't 'lead me on'. I just took it all in stride. I am trying to get comfortable with the fact that this is going to take much longer than expected.
I have certainly learned from my friend Fish, that this stage is not to be rushed.
We went to bed, and surprisingly she wanted to ML, so we did. We fell asleep, I got up at 5:00am and drove home, and here I am now typing this.
It was a very good weekend relationship-wise, and now I don't see her for a week and a bit...she has schooling all next weekend.
Probably a good thing...I think she needs to process just how good and relaxed everything felt this weekend.
I wish I was where you are. My R is dieing. I am not DBing well. I found out last night that my W has been reading my DB blog. I found my DB name and pssword. Now that I think of it it may not be a bad thing. At least she will know how much I love her.
I am initiating no contact today. I saw W 3 times over the long weekend, and had 2 sleep-overs, one with sex. That is a LOT for us recently.
I know she will be processing today. What she needs is space. Because I have been able to detach (mostly), I will be able to do this, to give her what she needs. I will think of it as giving her a gift, instead of buying a present I will give her space. She will respect that, even if only subconsciously.
I am keeping busy. I am recording music like a possessed demon, and will do so again tonight...the time just flies by!
I know I will want to call her tonight, and I might...but I will try not to, and hopefully will succeed.
BT - If she is not talking to you, or is acting irrationally, I would really hesitate on asking her to go to Retrouvaille. Major, major pressure.
If you can get to the point where you are having rational discussions, and you feel that your R has a chance of succeeding, Retrouvaille might be that extra step needed to get you both on the same page. But now? I don't think so.....but of course I reserve the right to be wrong.
I wouldn't even think of asking my W about Retrouvaille. and I think our sitch is better than many.
Minkerman , you are going well , softly is the way to go , enjoy where you are at , it is way ahead of many here and there is no rush. One mistake many of us make ( me included ) is to want to fix things and look for the magic answer . The answer is time and patience .
Guys, I did ask her if she would talk to a family from Retro and you were right she said she didn't want to do anything with me. She is so pissed at me for nothing. she is so mad that she called me from the next room on the cell just now.I think it is over. Sorry to take over your page Mink. I like your thoughts on Fish to. I think he is masking his hurt but has a good chance to put things back together. Time takes time. Cheers.
She is so pissed at me for nothing. she is so mad that she called me from the next room on the cell just now.
Sheesh, I'm hijacking my own thread! Anyway, Treeman...you say she's pissed at you "for nothing". Maybe she's pissed at you because of all the pressure. We all told you not to do it, but......
Suggesting something like Retro will absolutely be seen by her as an act of pressure and desperation. You really REALLY need to back off, before you get yourself into a corner. Sounds like Sally already feels like she's in one.
