As I was saying, I went over to her Dad's and talked with them for an hour or so. Step Mom (SM) said that when they had dinner with her and the girls the other night she was just taken aback by the complete lack of any sadness or other feelings in W. She was saying that she just couldn't imagine how, after 20 years of being in a relationship that she wouldn't have SOME sadness or grief.
She also thought the 'separate households' Easter brunch story was incredible, saying that she is living in some weird fantasy world that will eventually crash down on her. And they both still say I should get away from her as fast as I can and get healthy, find someone else who is healthy.
When I was questioning what kind of man would be attracted to her who is in her age bracket (40) and is unmarried, SM suggested that a recently divorced or otherwise hurt / lonely guy would find her the be a great match because she is 'soft hearted' and would be able to nurture / rescue someone like that.
As long as they had money or at least no BIG emotional problems.
Anyway, she didn't have her brunch this morning. The girls got up and had their breakfasts on their own. W had their baskets set up and hid some plastic eggs. Nobody bothered to wake me up so I missed the events, not a big deal just kind of rude.
W took of to go hang with her friends at the Spiritual center for todays service on 'new beginnings' as she continues with the destruction she's causing in our family. Of course, the 'friends' have no idea about her destructive activities 2 years ago, her affair, her crash, and all the things I did to hold it all together that eventually destroyed me.
D17 asked me if it was ok for her to go hang with her boyfriend and his family today instead of going somewhere with me and D12, and I said that was fine. She has gotten in with a great group of friends now and it's keeping her happy. D12 and I are going to go on some kind of adventure today after W gets home and I can get the Prius from her.
I think that the neighbor may have got his flight out of town so she can go stay there the rest of the week.
I keep thinking that I want to tell her what she's doing is destructive, and how she's made it worse for us financially by kicking me down into a deeper hole with no support to get out of it. Or tell her 'friends' the real history that she doesn't talk about, thinking that if they had a real perspective that they might actually be 'helpful'.
But instead I realize that it's not going to matter because she won't choose to change herself until staying 'the same' becomes unbearable. and that may never happen because she could always find an enabler to allow her to remain the same forever.
I guess for me, it's hard to look at her and realize that the woman I thought I knew isn't that person at all. In my heart I knew she was troubled and I have always felt like I needed to protect her from the world. But I couldn't do that forever and also protect myself.
When I needed her to support me, she couldn't do it. Now, I can never trust that she will ever be there for me or for the family in any crisis. I have to let her go because she's gone already.
This is so sad for all of us, but Easter is a new beginning, a new life.
