Thanks for your message, and I am trying to get closer to that place you describe, though I feel it is still a long ways off.
As an update, my W. sent an email late last night with some reflections on our MC session last week. She was really pretty defensive throughout it, saying she felt singled out and blamed for so much of the relationship problems. I was really surprised to read this as I thought the MC has been incredibly supportive and validating of her. Felt to me like there was quite a bit of projection and very little responsibility taking, though it was not attacking.
She inserted a short paragraph in the middle of the email that read
"At another level, you have really been taking care of yourself and, in fact, working on yourself -- for you -- and probably a little bit for me. I want to tell you how much I respect what you're doing. I admire your commitment to put some things in order, which in turn, impacts your level of confidence and sense of yourself, which I have seen and appreciated on numerous occasions. The work you are doing on yourself is very attractive."
But it was then sandwiched between all kinds of listings of problems and frustrations, so it was a very minor part of the overall message. She says she feels an incredible burden on her shoulders re: what next from here. She wanted to connect and get feedback on her message but wasn't sure if we should do this via email or go for a walk. I sent her a message which responded to a few of the things she said and suggested that it might be easier to talk through some of the other parts together with a walk. She's leaving on her trip tomorrow, which is why she wants some kind of contact today.
I just tried to validate her feelings where I could on things and gently bring in my perspective, gently tried to balance out things where I thought it was really distorted. I personally think she's on the defensive because the MC really touched on some of her issues that are hard to see, and that it is very hard for her to accept that some parts of how she has handled this really are her responsibility. But the MC was so supportive and gentle with her, I was like--"what's all this going on?"
